Your fault, not mine. Don't act like you don't know what happened. :)

I can't bring myself to ask people to pray for me. I feel that it's selfish, but I don't mind if other people ask me/the group to pray for them; I don't think that's selfish.

I can't take compliments. I always think they're just trying to be nice.

I can't let myself be right. I always think about it a lot until I think I make myself believe it's wrong.

I can't take being wrong, when answering a question in class. I find that it's embarassing. I end up blushing. :)

I can't walk in heels.

I can't be nice to people when I'm mad. I bring everyone down with me. :)

I can't help ignoring people when I'm mad at them.

I can't help being nice/acting like I'm okay when I'm mad at them.

I can't help but contradict everything I say-hypocrite.

I can't help but judge everyone. If I don't believe the person if they dress a certain way, I judge them like there's no tomorrow. Especially on nexopia.

for example.
If I see that the person is a cool cat or what not, then I'd check out their page, but then if I see any poser language happening in their page than I call them a poser, and not talk to them. :)

I can't halp the fact that I eat a lot. I hate how I eat. I hate how muc I eat. I get mad at myself, a lot. But it's just oo good to give up. I'm actually thinking about going anorexic, or giving it a try. Maybe even bulimia.

I can't help but bottle everything. I pretend that I'm okay, and make sure that it's obvious that I'm not, and hope that someone will ask me, what's up. ATTENTION WHORE.

I can't help but be nice to everyone.

I can't help but to lie.




50 Ways To Say “I Love You”

1. “If my heart were a baked potato, I’d serve it to you with extra butter and sour cream.”
2. “Your terrible personality isn’t so terrible after a few drinks and even when I sober up, it’s not as terrible as everyone says.”
3. “I’d shave my entire body with a dull, rusty razor blade and take a vinegar bath for you.”
4. “I am rubber, you are glue, any feelings you have for me bounce off and stick to you. Ironically, I feel the same way.”
5. “The other day I saw this little girl day drop her whole ice cream cone on the ground and start bawling. After I stopped laughing, I thought, “I’m the same way when you don’t call when you say you will.”
6. “I saw you in the morning, on the toilet, and I didn’t run screaming. So there.”
7. “Hug me. If you let go -- you lose.”
8. “Umm… like… you and me? Yeah. You and me.”
9. “You are to me what an eye patch and parrot is to a pirate.”
10. “You are the hole in my donut.”
11. “I am the pork, you are the beans.”
12. “You make me want to vomit little chocolate hearts.”
13. “You are my personal parachute.”
14. “If you were a margarita, I’d drink you by the bucket.”
15. “I really like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like you.”
16. “If I had my junior high dance to do all over again, I’d lean against the far wall, stare at you, and hate myself for not asking you if you liked the punch.”
17. “I don’t love you. I merely enjoy tolerating your existence immensely.”
18. “I’ll still want to have sex with you even when you’re old, fat, and ugly.”
19. “You had me at ‘Stop following me’.”
20. “Your farts smell like vanilla.”
21. “We’re a two person chain gang.”
22. “I am valedictorian of the University of You.”
23. “If you needed a kidney transplant, I’d also throw in a bonus lung.”
24. “The wet, fatty ball of muscle and sinew that pumps my thick, steaming blood to all of my internal organs starts to beat irregularly when you come into my line of sight.”
25. “You are to me what Oprah is to mediocre self-help gurus.”
26. “While you’re in the shower, I collect your skin flakes from the sheets and now I carry them around in this little napkin I keep tied around my neck.”
27. “You suck! So good.”
28. “If you were frozen in Carbonite and taken by bounty hunters, I’d gladly disguise myself, infiltrate a fortress of intergalactic gangsters, threaten them with a thermal detonator, and defrost you myself.”
29. “When I was a kid I was kind of stupid and I thought it would be fun if I stuck a fork in the wall socket and obviously I was thrown across the room. Well, that shock that made my teeth chatter and my hair fall out? That’s like you.”
30. “We are totally codependent and I don’t want it any other way.”
31. “This is the “happily ever after” part of the damn fairy tale, dig?”
32. “If you were a handful of genital crabs, I’d never change my underwear.”
33. “I’m not saying we shouldn’t see other people. I’m just saying I’ll chase whoever you see out of town with a nail-studded baseball bat.”
34. “I am your blank check. Don’t bounce me.”
35. “Shut your piehole! Okay -- now kiss me with that beautiful piehole.”
36. “If you were in a horrible accident and they put your head in a saline solution-filled fish tank, I’d feed you, change your water, and carry you on my back everyday until they built you a kick-ass robot body.”
37. “If given the choice between playing roundball like Michael Jordan or raising rugrats with you in a trailer park then I’d be the first to stand in line to buy diapers.”
38. “You’re such a fucking asshole! And so am I. Let’s forgive each other, get drunk, and screw.”
39. “If I was smart, I’d follow you around like a puppy and never, ever crap in the corner.”
40. “Not only would I carry you out of the factory and drive away you away on my sweet chopper… I’d also buy you a beer and a basket of fries.”
41. I wrote you a poem: “You walk in beauty like the night/ which means you’re the hottest babe in sight/Come home with me so I don’t get in a fight/I agree with what you said: you are always right.”
42. “I’m a grown up and just face the facts that you’re my security blanket.”
43. “You don’t know it, but right here, right now, is the point in the musical montage part of the movie. Let’s split a pretzel and go for a walk on the footbridge.”
44. “Not only would I die for you, I’d bitch slap Satan a good one, too.”
45. “Look: you’re the only one allowed in my bunker. So go get some batteries while I’ll clean my shotgun.”
46. “I’m a junky for your instant messages.”
47. “I had the weirdest dream last night: I was waking up just as dawn was breaking, but instead of the sun rising on the horizon, it was your glowing face. You were smiling and glowing and it felt to good. Isn’t that just strange? I have NO idea what that means. Pass the ketchup.”
48. “You’re my best and only naked friend.”
49. “I’d smoke five packs of you everyday and welcome each and every eventual tumor.”
50. “Let’s set aside cool, ironic detachment for just a moment, shall we? I love you. Wow… wasn’t that just like lame movie Reality Bites? You’ve never seen it? It’s awesome… in a totally stupid way"

pain is all I hear
pain is all I see
pain is just everywhere
inevitable
no where to escape from anything
it surrounds me
taken control
and lost out of it's place
store it away
and take me gone
scerw this nightmare
and move it go

Everytime something good happens to me. I feel that I need to compromise something else for that feeling to stay. I always prepare myself for the worse and not make the best of what's happening. I feel the need too.

I can't be left alone for more than and hour, I have no self-control. I eat like there's no tomorrow. I need to surpass that. I need to lose some weight. I'm fed up with the way I look. I know I shouldn't worry about stuff like this. But, I can't help it. It's human nature. Everyone worries about stuff like this.

I like to think that I'm different. I like to think that I'm intelligent. I like to think that I think differently than everyone else. I like to think that I'm better than most people. I like to think that I'm actually funny. I like to think that I am pretty. I like to think that I'm good at the things I do. I like to think that people look up to me. I like to think that I'm sure of what I do. I like to think that my faith is like no other. I like to think that I'm like no other.

really, I'm not.



.
.
.
... I just wish someone would care.

my summer has been great so far.
i've been out every single day
except for during the day of Friday
and right now Saturday.
I don't mind being at home,
but I don't like being at home with parents and and relatives. :S
cause' when I try to think I get angry
cause' I can't concentrate on what I'm trying to think
cause' there's noise
and yeah.
I don't know
people just doesn't seem to appreciate me enough
I'm always here for them
I love them and everything
but they.. just act liek it meant nothing to them
:S
they just don't realize that something's wrong with me
I want to go to a pyscologist
I really do.
Seems like the only person that'll listen to me
without me asking them to
I just need someone to care
someone to know
someone to push me
nobody cares enough
like I do
I'm just believable
blah.

I need to escape from this mental world
I call my brain
It's need to be emptied out
I need to forget.
I need to redeem myself.
Stress is building up.
odd diseases amerge.

what the what? each time I try to make conversation/talk to him in person, he just doesn't talk back to me like he wants to. I just feel like I bug him or something. Something tells me that he knows I like him, and I really do hope that he does. But, he just acts weird in person, but on MSN we talk like no tomorrow. It's weird and it makes things more akward. Whatever. Blah, he talks to her all the time. I don't get it. I hate it. I feel so jealous sometimes. I just feel like I should be mad at her. I just wish that she'd get me involve in one of her and his conversations, but no. She doesn't care at all. screw them both.

Maybe deep inside
there really is a black heart
and a swollen eye

Maybe there is a girl
that's content
and shy

Maybe there's struggling
and low self-esteem
do you ask why?

Maybe the thoughts are right
but the mind is set wrong
do you walk by?

Maybe there's a story to tell
a lie unspoken of
or a tear un-cried.

I'm getting really tired of people not caring.
I feel so isolated.
BAH.
I hate myself.
I try to open up to people, but they jsut don't care.
They just change topics, and move on. FINE.
Whatever.

I feel as if my IQ dropped like 10, this year. I feel so stupid. I've come so close to failing. Even this guy in my class is doing better than I am, and he was failing last year. I hate social studies. I hate the teacher. I've done so crappy this year. I hate it. I hate myself for it. BLAH. I need to relax, but I can't. I really can't. I want to go play rugby, I want to play football, or something aggressive. I need to take my anger out on some sport. I need to let go. FRICK. I hate this. I hate exams. It's nothing more than a big ANXIETY attack for me. And probably everyone else.

I've notice how much I try to avoid guys, if I like him. I feel like such a bitch towards him. I don't know why. But that's how it's always been. I can't help it. I just feel the need to avoid them/him. I guess, I'm just afraid that he might like me back or something. I guess I'm just afraid that he's going to give me what I want, his love. bAH.

I really hate people sometimes.
I care so much for them, yet they can't even just say hello.
They say I'm a good person
Yet, they can't show it.
I feel like people hate me.
Like they just don't want me around,
Until they need someone to talk to.
I hate it.
I just want to feel like, I'm liked.
Screw people.
I don't want people around.
I hate it.
I hate them.
I'm always here to listen to them.
They just can't even ask me what's wrong.
They notice I'm sad
They say nothing.
Whatever.
I tried to be happy.
I really did.
I just to fit myself in.
I really do.
But people just don't care about me.
I hate it.
Whatever.
This is stupid.
No point for this.
It happens.
FUCK.
I think about my days in grade 8.
I was so much happier.
Even when I was doing things I regret.
Though, it made me happy.
I've thought about going back.
Everyday.
At least once.
But it's stupid, and not worth it.
But, I have nothign else to rely on.
None of my friends, bother to ask me to hang out.
I always have to make that move.
I hate doing it all the time, cause' it feels like I'm desperate or something.
They just never think about me.
screw them.
I just feel like I get in everybody's stupid way.
I feel like running off.
Just to see if anybody cares.
If anybody would notice.
I know they would.
But they wouldn't care.
I hate them so much.
But I just can't get away from them.
They ujust act as if I'm not there.
Whatever.

She walked 20,000 miles
Just to be where you are
Her feets are worn out
And now, you're moving again

Like Lysander said to Hermia
"The course of true love never did run smooth.."
Give her a chance
And stay where you are

She drop down to her knees
Begging to you
Just to give her a chance
How can you reject such beauty?

Like Lysander said to Hermia
"The course of true love never did run smooth.."
Give her a chance
And stay where you are

The rings around her eyes
The mess of her hair
The blisters on her feet
This is love at it's best

Like Lysander said to Hermia
"The course of true love never did run smooth.."
Give her a chance
And stay where you are

Guide her with your eyes
Take her by the heart
And handle with care
That is love at it's best

Like Lysander said to Hermia
"The course of true love never did run smooth.."
Give her a chance
And stay where you are

Give her a chance
And stay where you are...

Stay where you are...

ever think about how thought works?
I think about it every so often.
and, it gets me frustrated.

is it in liquid form? How does is stay in our minds? How do we remember things? Hoe come we forget? How does our minds get full? how do we even know that it's in the brain and not around the outside? Answer me that.

you might laugh at me, but this is what I think about. And, if you can answer that, than feel free to laugh.

I hate it when I don't get any credits for anything.
I guess people, just get sick of me fast.
I give and give.. people advices all the time and no thank-you's.
And someone else goes and gives them advices and their usernames are "Thank-you (insert name) soo much (F)/(L)" .. BLAH.

...stupid is I, to think that people care.


.

Him: "Please don't cry, hun"
Her: "But you don't get it, he broke my heart."
Him: "I tried to help, alright?"
Her: "I'm sorry, he.. just.. gone"... as she plumped down
Him: "Everything's going to be ok, you'll get it over it."...knowing it isn't okay.
Her: "NOTHING IS OKAY. I don't WANT to get over it. You just don't understand, do you? Just leave me alone."...as she pushed him away.
*He grabs onto her arms. *
Him:"Look, I'm sorry.. I just.. don't know what to say. I just... nevermind."... he then looks away
Her: "what?.."
Him: "nothing, just nevermind... you'll get over him soon, I know how you feel.. just take it easy, alright?.. I have to go.."
Her: "NO! I'm not going to let two guys walk out on me tonight, just tell me what's wrong."
Him: "It's NOTHING, alright? Just leave it alone."
Her: "Obviously it's something, or else you wouldn't of mentioned it."
Him: "Techincally I DIDN'T mention it, I was going to, but I decided not to."
Her: "Then why would you bother mentioning it in the first place? Or excuuuse me GOING to mention it." ... starts crying.
Hm: "I'm sorry.. really, it's nothing worth mentioning alright? I promise, okay?"... sparks a smile at her..
Her: "Why won't anyone give me an explanation of anything? First him, now you?..I.. I.. Fuck"
Him: "Please.. don't cry, I hate seeing you like this... I promise it's nothing."
Her: "I don't believe you. You were always willing to tell me anything and now you wont."
Him: "It was just a mistake, okay? I promise it's nothing, or else I would of told you."
Her: "hmm... o.. kay."
Him: "Please cheer up. He was a jerk. You deserve better, he's just.. blind."
Her: "I really thought he was the one. I really thought he loved me. I loved him sooo much. 3 years.. and, all of a sudden he leaves."
Him: "Not to sound like a downer or anything, but there's an end to everything."
Her: "*smirk* Why must you be so blunt?"
Him: "hah, It's in my nature."
Her: "I... just .. can't forget about him.. ooh, I'm sorry."
Him: "No, don't be.. I'm here to listen. I'm here to talk."
Her: "... I just can't stop thinking about him... it's like... he broke my heart into a BILLION pieces, but yet... I still love him with all the broken pieces.."
Him: "Like Lysander said to Hermia "The course of love never did run smooth..." "
Her: "true.. but.. yeah."
Him: "Just don't worry about it, just let it out.. think about him as much as you want, and don't be sorry for doing that, cause' if you think about him enough you'll get sick of him.. ".. nervous chuckle..
Her: "...."
Him: "heh ... heh.. *nervous* .. yeah.. just.. I mean.. cry if you need to cry... talk if you need to talk.. you'll know where to find me.."
Her: "hah, yeahh.. thanks."
Him: "no problem... umm.. I have.."
Her: *looks at time* "so sorry I have to go now.. I'll talk to you later, okay? and, THANK-YOU SOO MUCH!!"
Him: "hah.. yeah.. noo, problem. "
*she leaves*
Him: "*sigh*.. damn."

.... that night, two hearts were broken.

Your IQ Is 110

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I've gotten 126 before. My brain isn't functioning, or maybe it's an excuse.

good night.

blah, I wish someone liked me.
I don't know.
It'll be such an ego booster.
I hate always being a friend.
I hate being their trust toy.
Who they share all their deepest darkest secrets about the girl they like.
I'd admire that they trust me.
But it gets me no where.
No where.
I hate it.
I know this is the stupidest thing to probably complain about.
But I hate it.
I hate feeling lonely.
It's stupid.
I'm stupid.
BAH.
I hate feeling not being liked, well not being liked back.
I friggin' hate it.
I hate crying about these feelings.
I hate crying endlessly about something so small.
I hate crying about the stupidest things.
I hate knowing stuff that I don't want to know.
I hate being right.
I wish I was wrong.
I wish my dreams would come true.
I
just
want
to
be
liked.


lqy.

bah,
I hate it when I'm right.
He likes her, he really likes her.
I knew it.
I hate it.
but eh, I'll get over it.
It's stupid to mope around it.
I know, I encouraged him to tell her,
but, he hasn't done the deed yet.
Why would I encourage him you ask?
Well, because I care more about his feelings than mine.
I can't change my heart to stop liking him (though, I can ignored it, or try to).
And I can't change his heart to like me.
So, I rather him happy, than sad, or confused or what not.
But yeah, I hope he tells her.

have I ever confess my dying love for my father to you? No? well, good. Cause' it's non-existent. I can't even look at him. I can't talk to him. I can't look at him while I'm talking to him. I have no patience when he's tlaking to me. I can't stand him. I can't love him. He is not my father. He does not make me happy. I just, bah. I can't explain. He thinks he's logical. He thinks he's right. I cannot have at least one conversation with him without fighting. He makes me so mad. I have no respect for him. He's just a person to me, not an authoritive figure. I know I'm suppose to love my enemies and what not, but I just.. can't. I can't. Not at all. Foook. He just seems so fake. I feel like a higher status than he is. I just don't feel equal with him. I just have so much hate build up in me for him. I can't stand it. I can't. Bah. It's stupid, I know. Just everything he does makes me mad. I can't be in the same room as him.


yeah.

Emo it up.

I like him so much, but I see no point in telling him cause' he doesn't like me.. though I should actually tell him first before making assumptions. But, it's true, he asked me if he should ask the girl, that he likes, out. I kind of told me to go for it. We're so close, I just don't want anything to change between us; I don't want anything to be akward. I swear, he's my male equivalent. He's so sweet; so kind; so caring; sooo.. charming. haha. I don't know... maybe I'm just being mushy. He seems kind of content, like he's holding something back when he's around me.. but when he's around my other friends he's just him. It's weird, or maybe I'm just being stupid.
I've even planned a perfect plan to tell him also.. but, like I said before I just see no point in doing so. but eh, here's the plan...
I would say: "What's up?"
Him: "nothing much"
Him: "you?"
Me: "ooh not much either, sitting around, watching tv, thinking.. "
Him: "haha I'm thinking too"
Him: "what are you thinking about?"
Me: "well, I like this guy.. and I don't know.. I want to tell him that I like him, and I don't really see the point in doing so, cause' he doesn't like me.. well I was going to tell him once, but then he asked me if he should ask the girl, he liked, out.. and yeah"
Him: *thinks about it.. hopefully clicking in that it's him*
Him: "are you talking about me?"
Me: "... yes.. :$"
and I'm not sure how it'll end. But I think it'll turn out something like
Him: "oh, uhhh.."
Me: "uhh yeah. haha." *nervous as heck* *heart pounding*
Him: "umm, that's cool?"
Me: " hahah..." *heart stops*
Him: *thinks to himself I don't like her that way, crap, she's a good friend but damn*
Me: "uhhh, yeah.. I think I'm going to go now..bye"
Him: "cya"

I can imagine that happening. I know it's such a simple task to tell someone you like them, but getting rejected isn't the best feeling in the world. I like to make sure that I really like him first, I've only told one guy that I liked him, he didn't like me back, that hurt. yeah.

I don' t know. He's so sweet though. I had a conversation about nobody liking me cause' they always just think that I'm a close friend.. and he said "why not? you're a sweetie , I bet there's a guy out there that's deeply in love with you" it was thoughtful, though.. I disagree.. haha. I was going to say to him "what if I told you that I liked you?"... he would probably say "I only like you as a close friend" yeah. He also said "I'd rather have a close friend than a girlfriend" ... he's so cute. ahah.

Yeah..

lqy.