sometimes I wonder if I will ever be with someone. I wonder if I will lose it the first time just because I'm afraid to lose him. I hope not. But, I don't know. I always see people together, just makes me want to be that girl. I want someone to hold me and let me know that he'll always be there for me. But, I'm just afraid that my appearance isn't good enough for him. I have self-esteem problems. I don't have much of an ego. I'm way too self-conscience about the way I look. I hate it. But I want someone to look over that and just tell me that he likes me. I hate being so alone sometimes. I just .. I don't know. I just wonder if I will always be alone. If I will never find someone, like my aunt. It's crazy, and I'm being silly, I know. But there's no way that I could ever find someone. I'm so picky, and just afraid. I always want to meet up to their standards so most of my time I always change the way I am for him. And that's just stupid of me. I can never be comfortable with a guy, cause' I'm always thinking if he likes me, blah blah blah.. so I'm always trying to impress him by not making a fool of myself, I hate it. It's stupid. Thanks to Katie, I've been thinking like that. Dumb. I just want someone. I just want to see how it feels, just to be held in the arms, and know that someone cares. I want late phone calls with him, long days spent, fights that are silly, just a relationship. I always think that it's because that I don't drink, smoke or do drugs, that, that guy don't like me.. I think that it's because he thinks taht I'm a pansy or something, but I'm not.. it's just because I'm not stupid. Frick. I'm a loser.