Freaking hell,
I'm not even one bit effected by that Mercade's story, not the least bit.
It's like, okay she's died from drugs, so?
It was like a one minute thing, you know?

I finally told someone about my problems with Christanity.
I told Joce. I'm glad I did,
but at the same time, I regret it.
I'm not sure where I am, in Christ.
I feel so motivated to grow as a Christian,
but at the same time, I don't want to go anywhere, at all.
I feel like I want to shout to the world that I'm a Christian
buut I wouldn't know how to answer people
if they ask me, Why are you a Christian, well, I do..
but I feel awkward saying it, you know?
like I get that guilt feeling like I should be a better example of a Christian before I say anything.
annnd, I especially hate it when I judge people's Christianity.
I HATEHATEHATE it when I do that.
I feel like a friggin' hypocrite.
I feel as if I'm better than them, but really, I'm worse.
They can spread the word of the Lord without shame or guilt.
I can't.
Whenever I try, I feel like I shouldn't.
I don't DARE mention this to anyone from my church,
cause' I know what will happen if I do,
they'll take me off the worship team,
annd I'll hate that,
cauuse' I like worshipping the Lord,
annd especially leading others too, as well.
BUUUT, I don't feel like it's my job too,
it feels like I'm the one that's suppose to be led.
I hate myself, for this.



well, I think I like a guy right now. -_-" too bad he asked out my friend and she said yes. annd I think I still like the same guy as I did at the beginning of the summer, yuup.