JOCELYNE, ditched.
makes me mad,
she has a phone,
she knows how to use it,
WHY DIDN'T SHE CALL,
so I didn't have to sit by the phone and wait for her!
so, lame.

AHHHH AHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHH!!!
Marcus asked me to hang out with him.
;)

he was like, last night.

marcus...: do you like scary movies?
Leung, minus: hahah yup, but afterwards I get freaked out. :)
marcus...: ok
marcus...: i think we should go see wolf creek
Leung, minus: sounds good to me
marcus...: score
Leung, minus: haha
Leung, minus: when?
marcus...: uh marcus...: i dunno
marcus...: whenever it comes out
Leung, minus: sweet deal
marcus...: haha
marcus...: yayeah!
Leung, minus: I got it mixed up with another movie, I thought it was out already, haha
Leung, minus: :P
Leung, minus: but it's all good
Leung, minus: ahah
marcus...: oh haha
marcus...: cry wolf is another one i want to see
Leung, minus: what's that one about?
Leung, minus: is that the one where they meet on the
internet and the guy gets all creepy and stuff?
marcus...: umm im reading about it
marcus...: and its like
marcus...: a whole bunch of guys make up a lie about a
serial killer
marcus...: but it turns out to be true
marcus...: and no one believs them or something
Leung, minus: oooh nice
marcus...: i know
marcus...: it sounds like a good'n
Leung, minus: definitely
marcus...: ya
marcus...: and its rentable
Leung, minus: even better
marcus...: yup
marcus...: soo we should watch it
marcus...: cause i heart scary movie
marcus...: s
Leung, minus: it's going to be good
marcus...: i know
marcus...: it looks good
Leung, minus: indeed it does
Leung, minus: I kind of also want to The Exorcism of
Emily Rose, but I heard that it wasn't that great
marcus...: ya
marcus...: doesnt look...like suspenseful enough
Leung, minus: yeah
Leung, minus: no kiddingmarcus...: ahh!
marcus...: ok im scared by the movie clips
marcus...: we're definitely watching cry wolf
marcus...: hehehe
Leung, minus: hahah
Leung, minus: ooh man
marcus...: ya i dont do good in scary movies
Leung, minus: neither do I
marcus...: i cling to people
marcus...: haha
Leung, minus: but I still like them :)
Leung, minus: hahah yeah, same
marcus...: oh ay
marcus...: i love them haha
Leung, minus: niice
marcus...: gtg
marcus...: byea
* marcus... is now Offline

I love that guy.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!!!



tomorrow is freaking christmas!!!!!
:D :D :D :D :D

I neeed need NNEEED to stop eating so much,

cause I'm a friggin fatty.
and I need to grow my hair longer,
and be someone I'm not.

or maybe someone I am.
I'm not sure.
XGAH>
I'm tlaking to him right now,
I'm not even sure what's the dealwith it all anymore,
I do'nt think I really care.
I like how things are,
and it'd be FANTASTIC it was something more,
but till then, I'll just sort out my feelings.

Well, my last day of school kind of sucked.
I found out that my grandma went into ICU the night before, in Hong Kong,
due to she ate too much potassium (ie, bananas)

Then later on the day, I found out that I sucked badly at my cummalitice test (I got 69%) FRICK.
I tried hard, I guess not hard enough.
During the test I totally forgot everything!!
I was like "I KNOW HOW TO FUCKING DO THIS, BUT WHY CAN'T I GET THE FRICKING ANSWER?!?!?!?!!"
FREAKING HELL.
:(
I TOTALLY DID BAD,
and I"m freaking stressing.
I hate it BAD.
Things like that makes me not want ot go to school ever again, baaah.
:(
I don't know what to do.


For Christmas, waht I really want is to get my monroe piercing.
I wish I had a friend 18 or over that would take me to get it done.

Or a REALLY good RICH YELLOW EYESHADOW!
or a boyfriend (MARCUS!!!!! hehhe <3 )

I honestly, had a chance today!
Like half an hour ago!
but he signed off!
he just signed off.
-_-"
I LOVE THAT GUY SO MUCh, hahah.
He talked to me first!
He really did, he never does that!



I WISH I HAD A FREAKING LIFE.
I'm so bored,
I need to read the book, To Kill A Mockingbird for english.
and I need to write journals.

I wonder how fast I can type,
cause I can type rpetty freaking fast.


I also, kind of, like daniel, I think.
gah.

I think my parents are getting me mikey's Ipod mini for me fior my christmas present.
:)
yay!
now, I can upload ALL OF MY SONGS ONTO THAT THING,
and have lots of room for pictures :)
HELLZ YEAH.
:P
yeah, I"m pretty freaking excited for that,
Monday, I have to go and shop for my parents and Michael,
maybe I should try and bring a friend or two with me.
I need another's opinion.,
I kind of want to go and get my hair permanently straighten,
but the problem is, my hair isn't curly at all.
I also, want to get a perm
and has been thinking about it for a while now.
But I'm too chicken too do so. hahah.
I wouldn't want really curly hair,
jsut kind of wavy. :)
I love that look.
Especially for my length of hair,
though I think my bottom hairs are too short for any perming.
I wouldn't know
seeing that I've never gotten my hair permed before.
:)
I shouldn't act like such a know-it-all
I kind of think that I am one.
I kind of wish people was more interested in hanging out wiht me.
I wish I wasn't so freaking boring.
:(
I hate that.
It's so freaking lame.
I'm so two-faced have you ever noticed that?!
cause' I have.

]My head hurts right now,
and I have no clue as to why.
probablty becuase I'm thinking so fast,
and so many things are going on inside of my head.
That's most likely it.

I kind of wish taht CLint would grow up,
cause' he's so freakign immature.


Oh yeah, I need to get Brandy a present too,
cause' I'm lame and needed money.
And today, I got $70 from my grandma and uncle.
:) HELLZ YEAH.
:P

Kind of excited about spending that.
:)


I got practically all of the money that I spent back.
Which is much much much much MIORE RELIVING EVER.
:)

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Jessica
Birthday:	May 8, 1990
Birthplace:	Victoria
Current Location:	In a house on judah st.
Eye Color:	brown
Hair Color:	multi
Height:	5"4.5' - 5"5' :)
Right Handed or Left Handed:	mostly right handed, but I can wirte with my left.
Your Heritage:	A-SHHIIIIIIIIN PWYYYDE.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	the same ones as Heather Logan.
Your Weakness:	emotions
Your Fears:	My throat being slit.
Your Perfect Pizza:	the cajun chicken one from Panago, without the bacon of course.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Pass grade 10 with really good grades.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"yeah, no kidding" "yeah, totally" "hahah"
Thoughts First Waking Up:	"what time is it?"
Your Best Physical Feature:	my eyes or my hair.
Your Bedtime:	between 10:00pm-12:00am
Your Most Missed Memory:	memories with Brandy.
Pepsi or Coke:	either or.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	McDonalds
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	either or
Chocolate or Vanilla:	either or.. but scent-wise Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee:	both
Do you Smoke:	no, siree.
Do you Swear:	nope, unless I'm repeating something someone said.
Do you Sing:	like a jukebox. :)
Do you Shower Daily:	nope, every other day.
Have you Been in Love:	nope
Do you want to go to College:	no. university, yes.
Do you want to get Married:	looks that way
Do you belive in yourself:	umm, most of the time
Do you get Motion Sickness:	only when I read in the car.
Do you think you are Attractive:	relatively.
Are you a Health Freak:	not really.
Do you get along with your Parents:	my mom more so than my dad.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yes
Do you play an Instrument:	yes
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	not that I know of
In the past month have you Smoked:	wouldn't be surprised if I did, JUST KIDDING.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	tylenol?
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	no, siree
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes, ma'am
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no, nor have I eaten oreos in the past month. Maybe an oreo cake, does that count?!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes! :) home-made and everything.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	yarr.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	nope
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	more like in the past life time.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	nope
Ever been Drunk:	like when I was like 7
Ever been called a Tease:	haha, no.
Ever been Beaten up:	yuup.
Ever Shoplifted:	yes, pogs. hahah :)
How do you want to Die:	peacefully. Probably in my sleep.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	something that I'll enjoy doing, like being an counsellor or soemthing. :)
What country would you most like to Visit:	Probably some country in Europe.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	that really nice greeny colour.
Favourite Hair Color:	doesn't really matter
Short or Long Hair:	anything, really. Except for butt-length hair. -_-"
Height:	not super short.
Weight:	not supeer skinny. Like where I can see his ribs whenever he breathes
Best Clothing Style:	FLOOOD PANTS.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	I wouldn't know
Number of CDs I own:	I wouldn't really care.
Number of Piercings:	5 at the moment
Number of Tattoos:	Ink tattooes, I have like two. Real ones, I have none.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	something I don't want to count.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

I saw brandy at wal-mart yesturday when I was last minute Christmas shopping.
Tomorrow, is the last day of school for Christmas break!
I can't wiat until I hand out the presents,
I'm more excited to give this year, than to get. :)
It's just a good feeling.

I HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE HOPE THAT I DID REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY WELL ON MY CUMMALTIVE TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what to do with Marcus,
I NEED TO TALK TO HIM!!
But, I'm so confused.
I love that guy, and swing dancing with him is like BETTER THAN HEAVEN.

I'm so glad that I'm always in his group or his dancing partner.
I LOVE THAT GUY.
hahah
I wish I could tell him,
It's just three simple words,
why can't I just say it?!
Actually,I can.
But I just don't know if it's the right time or not.

OWNED
that's exactly what I did with the SOLO!!
I OWNED IT!
I PLAYED IT 98% CORRECT,
yeah, that's right
I'm so proud of myself!
I was freaking out or anything!
:D
heheheh

umm, bayley told me to not do anything, yet
and just wait,
but I think it's silly,
cause' I obviously really like him,
and it wouldn't really make anything awkward between us.
:)

I ended up spending up to $80 on presents.
:(



umm tomorrow is the band concert
SUPER NERVOUS,
never been this nervous for a concert in my life!
that's probably a lie.
Cause' I have this STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID bassoon solo
annd I KEEP ON MESSING UP at the same STUPID SPOT
I don't get why Mr Wilson can't see that I'm struggling and make Kyle do it with me!
I'm just going to embarass myself
and MESS UP THE CD.
I'm so freaking nervous.
I feel like crying,
and I don't even get why,
cause' it's only four freaking BARS!
I don't get why I can play it on the tenor sax,
but I can't get it on the bassoon.
I NEED TO FREAKING RELAX.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I almost did it today!
after school, I got to spend at least 3 mins with him.
I ALMOST DID IT.
:(
Okay, next time I talk to him for a long time,
I'm going to try and bring it up in a convo,
and be like "sup, I like you."
heh.

I had choir practise today,.
anndn I was totally out of tune
and like SUCKED.
I was flat.
But richard said taht he liked the sound of it,
but it might of been annoying to other people.
I wish SOMEONE WOULD OF TOLD ME EARLIER
so I wouldn't of been making the same mistake!!!

I hate the things I have to do sometimes.
:(


I hate being in the stupid spotlight all by myself,
except choir isn't by myself,
I'm just a freaking retard.

I just need to let a load off.
I need a boyfriend,
annd I need a friend.
-_-"
and I need time to myself.
I need people who I can talk to, let out my problems too. But I can't find that person, well maybe I can, but I don't look hard enough. Nor, do I want to just let anyone in. I just don't work like that. I'm not that kind of person. I need a guy that'll care for me, like Marcus, except that if I talk to him too much, I'll start thinking that I'm annoying him too much, and what if he doesn't like me back. That'll suck a plenty. I love that guy, I jsut want him to like me back. ANd it'll suck if he doesn't. I want to tell him HELLA, annd I don't have the nerves too. I don't have anyone to push me to it, though I don't think I really need a push, it's somethign that I'll have to overcome myself. Which I think will be soon. :)

I kind of want to tell him in an e-mail. But, I should probably tell him while I"m talkjing to him. I don't know, I'll think hard about it. :)

YEAAAAAAAAAAAH.
wish me luck for the band concert tomorrow.

MARCUS WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TELL ME THAT YOU LIKE ME?
Why can't we just go on our merry way,
and maybe be more than friends.
I'm so mushy, it's sick.
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhahaha



okay, last night on my way home from Steph's house
I figured that the sweetest thing a guy could do,
is ask me out in Cantonese (if he doesn't speak the language, fluently)
Cause' that's just cuute.
hejheh.
I''m just trying to figure out how you would word it in chinese.
:
cause' I don't even know
hahaha.
BUT YEAH, that'll be so cute,
thatll I'll just have to yes,
hahah myabe not.
:)





YEAH.
hhaha.


I'm going Christmas shopping with jes today,
we're going downtown!
:)


Stupid chad,
won't let Cody join us.
ooh well,
but that'll mean I'l have to bus back in the dark
:(
SCARY THOUGHTS.
-_-"

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO APPROACH IT
like bluntly or what?

gaah, I think I'm going to get smashed.
and baked.
I don't know I"m kind of nervous.
:

I EAT TOO FREAKING MUCH!

hate crime

WERRD TO YOUR MOMMA.



Love where have you gone?
You seem so close yestuday,
and today, you're miles 'way
Come back, I need you the most right now.
Loneliness strikes me at times of need.
Who to turn too?
Who to tell?
Who to confide in, with such demand?
Burden them, I shall not.
I'll fix it myself.
Love, why are you so vulnerable?
Like a frisbee, you're thrown around.
Salt water streams pass my cheeks,
Where do they come from?
What set it off?
Conscience, what did you do now?
Skip a beat? I hope not.
Love, grab me by my infactuation,
And take me away.
Decieve me not in the public's eyes.
Drown me in their lies and false accusations.
Love, you've gone away so far.
I can barely see you now.
Your power was so strong for months on end,
Now, we fight to hold on.
Love, wrap it in a gift and send it off.
You misslead me like a map read upside down.
To feel it again, to hold on to what I have,
To outlast everyone,
Amazing.




LATELY,
I've nnoticed that I've been talking more gansterr
annd it's scaring me
and I hope that it's not becoming a habit,
whiich I think it has already,
annd that's just crap
hahah.
-_-"



I gots choir practise on thursday night.
I'm so busy on thursday,
I don't think i could handle it, at all.

I have senior band in the morning,
then I have to go to Anne of Green Gables at lunch,
thhen after school I have to go to a dentist appointment,
bass lessons, after that... then I have to go to choir practise.
-_-"


TOMORROW, I'm going to the horticulture and is missing out on some serious jazz band,
THE GROUPS ARE COMBINING,
liike molecular compound,
(PROBABLY A BAD EXMAPLE, but it was the frist thing that popped into my head. :) )
yeaaaaaaaah, that's right.
:P



gah, I love marcus,
annnd I reaaally need to tell him,
LIKE NOW!
except I'm a pansy,
and he went to bed.
:(


annd I don't know what to say.
I don't know how to do it
I'm not afraid to say it,
but I don't know how to like set up everything so that it would work out
I don't even think that he likes me that way
:
at all.
GAH
I wish guys would just come out and be open about things like that.
BUT THEY SUCK AND THEY arn't
excepppt, hhhhe definitely doesn't like me that way
why do I even bother myself with such a question?!
so lame.
:(


anyways, off ot be I go.
tomorrow is going to be hard working.
-_-"
:(
ooooh well,
quiality time with jake mitchell,
I LOVE THAT KID,
and ALI CARR!
she's the best carr in town
:D
and shes the only carr that I know.
:D
heheheh
PEACE OUT

werrrd to a hundred.
:D



Anyways,
I NEED TO BUY PEOPLE'S CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!
I think I'll go downtown tomorrow and buy people's presents.
:)


I shall make a list.

Brandy- something girly
Joce- probably a shirt from the Patch
Devon- some cool jewlery
Ali- jewlery
Maery- Something cool
Jes- Jewlery, something cool,
Phoebe- something pikachu
Daniel- Some cool photography book, BLUE SHIRT
Mom- Some cool jewlery
Dad- something artsy
Michael- Shaolin Soccer, something him.
Cody- Something Ska
Kas- something her
Melissa- Jewlery
Kim- Jewlery


TO BE CONTINUED, dinner ready. :)

I lied in the last one,
this is the one more.

I eat too much.

I planned out my confessing love to Marcus,

I think I'll do it over Msn,
I was planning on making another MSN account,
and pretend that it was my friend,
and ask him stuff about me,
and wonder waht he thinks of me and stuff.
It'll give me reassurance,
right?
I don't know, I wih guys just came out with their feelings,
except that, I really think that he doesn't like me that way.
And I guess that's obviously, right?
Cause' he would of told me by now if he did.
Which is stupid,
I wish I knew what guys look for in a girl.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY WANT.
In other words,
I just wish that they liked me.
yeaah.
heh.
I don't get it,
is it because I get to close too fast or something?!
it's so lame.
I HATE IT.
Why can't I be their best friend and their girlfriend?

I don't get it at all.




Ross, is becoming way friendlier now. WHICH IS TOTALLY CUUTE.

GUYS ARE SO CUUUTE SOMETIMES,
ooh man.




Contriven, that's the way things seems to beAshamed I hear my mocking voice,Thrown down and trashed.
Pain seems to be the dominant trait
Love, where have you gone?
Seems to me, it was forever,
Since you last revealed yourself.Forgotten memories revived.
The beauty of your passion,
the sinful nature of your affection,
When did it stop?
Contemplations are full of nothing more than contradictions.
Believe that you can control it,
There are no ends to love,
but only hatred.
What is this that I feel?
Seems so natural.
Fierce, yet powerless, defenseless even.
Strength is what I need.

one more



I LOVE MARCUS.
except I wish I told him that.
I think I will soon,
cauuse' he's a cuutie,
annd I'm not even sure if he and Lisa are going out anymore.
I like spent the day with him at Maery's.
I like laid on him,
and he laid on me, and stuff.
I loved it.



EXCEPT YESTURDAY SUCKED.
I got into a big argument with my dad,
the worst, yet.



WAHT IS WRONG WITH ME.
I'm like breaking down bit by bit.
I NEEED SERIOUS HELP.
Why am I such an idiot?!?!?
LIEK WAHT THE CRACK?!?!?!



I hate people seeing the real side of me.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T EXIST..



My dad is looking into hair dressing courses for me.


Mikey is thinking about selling me his Ipod Mini. :)

I think I should go make an appointment with the Student Counsellor,
cause' I think it would help me A LOT.
:)

Daniel is leaving,
there's a part of me that's glad that he's leaving,
actually I think the whole part of me is glad that he's leaving.
Its like a relief or something.
:)
I don't feel sad at all.
I don't.



I HATE MY OUTBURSTS.
They ruin my life,
they ruin me,
they ruin people's feelings about me.


I HATE DANIEL,
I hate how he's leavingt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I hate my two-face-ness.
I don't know how I'm feeling.










FREAKING GUILT TRIPS IS WHAT I FEEL, ALWAYS>
I don't know what to do!!!!





GAH, HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!