I ended up spending up to $80 on presents.
:(



umm tomorrow is the band concert
SUPER NERVOUS,
never been this nervous for a concert in my life!
that's probably a lie.
Cause' I have this STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID bassoon solo
annd I KEEP ON MESSING UP at the same STUPID SPOT
I don't get why Mr Wilson can't see that I'm struggling and make Kyle do it with me!
I'm just going to embarass myself
and MESS UP THE CD.
I'm so freaking nervous.
I feel like crying,
and I don't even get why,
cause' it's only four freaking BARS!
I don't get why I can play it on the tenor sax,
but I can't get it on the bassoon.
I NEED TO FREAKING RELAX.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I almost did it today!
after school, I got to spend at least 3 mins with him.
I ALMOST DID IT.
:(
Okay, next time I talk to him for a long time,
I'm going to try and bring it up in a convo,
and be like "sup, I like you."
heh.

I had choir practise today,.
anndn I was totally out of tune
and like SUCKED.
I was flat.
But richard said taht he liked the sound of it,
but it might of been annoying to other people.
I wish SOMEONE WOULD OF TOLD ME EARLIER
so I wouldn't of been making the same mistake!!!

I hate the things I have to do sometimes.
:(


I hate being in the stupid spotlight all by myself,
except choir isn't by myself,
I'm just a freaking retard.

I just need to let a load off.
I need a boyfriend,
annd I need a friend.
-_-"
and I need time to myself.
I need people who I can talk to, let out my problems too. But I can't find that person, well maybe I can, but I don't look hard enough. Nor, do I want to just let anyone in. I just don't work like that. I'm not that kind of person. I need a guy that'll care for me, like Marcus, except that if I talk to him too much, I'll start thinking that I'm annoying him too much, and what if he doesn't like me back. That'll suck a plenty. I love that guy, I jsut want him to like me back. ANd it'll suck if he doesn't. I want to tell him HELLA, annd I don't have the nerves too. I don't have anyone to push me to it, though I don't think I really need a push, it's somethign that I'll have to overcome myself. Which I think will be soon. :)

I kind of want to tell him in an e-mail. But, I should probably tell him while I"m talkjing to him. I don't know, I'll think hard about it. :)

YEAAAAAAAAAAAH.
wish me luck for the band concert tomorrow.