resolutions for life.


lose some fuckign weight.
get laid
get a boyfriend
commit to something
be successful
stop eating so goddamn much
party harder
be more fun to be around
more self-esteem
stop being so jealous of everything
more music
be able to speak english properly, again.
speak cantonese more fluent
be able to speak mandarin
go to greece
go to venice
go back to china
be more active
be more honest?
just be me, and stop copying people.
be in love
get long hair, do something with it that'll make me proud, like a wild perm or something.
try e, and acid
be a hoe?
take singing lessons.
be more confident with my singing,
be able to reach the high g above middle c.
be able to reach c below middle c.




I WANT TO BE SKINNIER, or just toneed.
no more cellulite.

my mom needs to stop being a fucking hypocrite.

fuck.
and everyone needs to stop being so fucking greedy.

fat face faggots taht thhink that they're all that,
makes me so mad.


look at all that alliteration.
woooah.

screw them, fuck.
I'm getting hooked up and that's all that matters.

i'm getting hooked up with 2 grams of weed for sunday.
(new years eve)
aww yee

for some odd reason,
I feel like beating the crap out of someone, verbally and physically.
and run away.
do something artisitic with myself, smoke pot and cigerettes
lose weight, and get fucked.

I think my period is coming soon.

oh and kris told me that I have a really nice voice,
which boosted up my confidence HELLA.
cause' sometimes I just hate my voice.

well he likes the lower register, and I like that one a lot too.


he makes me so nervous though.
oh well.

CODY CAME TO VISIT TODAY!
I'm so glad I got to see him.
I miss that boy SOOOOOOOO MUCh!
you have no idea.

it made me so happy.
And I totally cheated off of Ben for my psych test, so I didn't need to worry.
:)


and I gave robbie the apron.
but I ran out of the candy canes, sucks.
oh well!
next year
:D


fuccck shit. My parents are dragging me to Vancouver until boxing day, neg gros.
I hate when they pull stunts like that.
They tell me that we're not going to go anywhere over christmas break, so I make plans around that.
But then they're like SYKE dyke. and now we're going, and they expect that I have no life, so I just have the change everything, negrros.
:(


oh well.
I'm so excited about my camrea.
I'm so glad that everything is coming back togethr quiet nicely.
:D

fuck I love Robbie.
I wish I was closer.
though I am getting there.

fuck humble.


yeah i said it.

so I definitely think that I"m going to fail the psych test, cause' I only did olike 20 questions out of the 50 or so questions that we got!
FUCKING SUCK.
:(

I'm just so fed up with little things in my life right now.

people seem to love ot hate.
I love to hate.
I love to like
I love to love.
I love to feel.

I want feelings.
I want a want.
I want a want that I get.

but nothing is a "want that I get" until I try harder, but I don't try at all. I'm passive, and I live in a crazy world where I think that the guy will come to me.

such bullshit, and I need to stop believeing that, such a waste of my emotions.
When I play mind games with myself.

I want love.
I want feelings.
I want emotions
I want to move out,
and emancipate myself from my "parents" .

I actually thought about living on the streets, just to be able to not associate myself with them.

I'm sick of all these childish games, and frustration.


YEAH FUCK, what if I do want control? What if I always have to be right?! That's who I am, and that's how they raised me.

I am the reflection of their parenting skills.

When they get mad at me, they're getting mad at their capabilities to parent.


I thought about the unspoken again. It's been a while, and it's always becasue of my parents.


I hate them.
They're only here to buy me things, and pay for bills, and to give me rides to places. But I want to start bussing more, cause' I want independence.

and all you could think of was the bare chest of the woman standing infront of you.

all my life I spent lusting after men that could have been my father.
While psychologists could tell me that it was all becasue I just wanted the father figure I never had.

or at least parents that are ganging up on me?

probably the same way that I"m acting right now.

how do/am I suppose to act around parents who hates me?

I took some good pictures of myself today.
I want to hand them in for the sketch book assignment.
:)

I want a loverrrrrrr.
and weed.
and beer.
:)
hahah I"m such a hick.

captainblackjackcryingonpokerstreetstonigh

biggest blow out with my dad ever.
it could have gone so much farther, but I just had to stop.

little boys lying in red rover ditches crying "mommie don't let me go". lemonade just wont make me happy anymore.

lately I've been really happy and I wouldn't trade it for anythingl.

my hurr, and becoming closer to robbie is making me happy.
werrd bro.

I think weston likes me. But I could be wrong.
He's just been acting differently lately.
:)

I have so much more confidence with my new hurr.
and what not.
I'm happy with it.

I'm invited to three parties on saturday.
and I don't know which one to go.


I told Ariel I'd go to her's like two weeks ago, and I'd feel so bad if I just all of a sudden decided not to go.
the neg. about her's is that there's a lot of sooke kids and it's just awkward.
But I watn to get drunk! But I doubt I would anyways, cause' I don't have my own drinks.

Jes's is kind of last minute-ish. Well it was suppose to be last week and that would have been so much more convient than now. But I want to get crunked! :(

Weston is a fag. He invited me today and made me feel worse, but I think mike is going to be there :)
He was inviting people like two weeks ago, and he JUST invited me today. And I said that I'd go.


I said that to everyone. shit son.
I'm so bad with saying no. :(

I'm going to think about it.

I love this.
it feels like I have a new start to everything.

I'm being honest, there's no point of keeping anything in.
It's not like I'm going to get things starts about it becasue I don't have anyone close to me, so I might as well just say it then avoid it.

I want ot be honest, I want to be who I am.
and I think I'm finding some self discovery in this new image that I got. :)

I'm happy, and that's all that I carea bout right now.

100 + things about me. Not in any peticular order

1. I tend to trust guys more so than I trust girls, even though I have more friend that are of the female gender than guys.
2. I love knowing little facts about people and being able to tell them and them being impressed with the knowledge.
3. My vocabulary isn't very wide.
4. When I learn a new word I use it A LOT.
5. I adore getting those "quiz" e-mails from people.
6. I listen and I remember.
7. I'm trustworthy and loyal, maybe a little too much??
8. I love writing little informations about myself.
9. I sing.. a lot. I prefer singing when I'm walking along the sidewalk with people around, more so then infront a group of people.
10. I love impressing people
11. I'm most proud of learning the bass.. i think.
12. I like to write all over/burst out meaningful one liners that I have no idea of the meaning behind it. (And you can probably find it all over my room)
13. I have ADD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Compulsive Skin Picking, Mild case of Agoraphobia, Phobia, Dyslexia.
14. I hate procrastination, but I do it anyways.
15. I hold all of my frustration in, and then I just cry immensly about the stupidest things.
16. I had/have an Nexopia, Zorpia, AA, Facebook, Face-Pic, Faceparty, Faces4U, MySpace, LiveJournal, Xanga, BloggerSpot, Bebo, LiveWire, Photobucket, MyPhotoAlbum, Futki, AgeGuess, JackDog, GeoCities, YouAreSuck, LiveVictoria, FreeWebs accounts.
17. I'm overly dramatic.
18. I love my hair, a lot.
19. I love music, but I'm only a music poser. I know shit about the histroy and what not.
20. I love belting out not-so-good music.
21. I admire breakdancers.
22. I love people who can do things with their lives, except for prostitutes and etc.
23. I was once a very active person.
24. Cone from Sum41 is the reason why I picked up the bass... kind of lame, but it happens.
25. I have trust issues
26. I have committment problems.
27. I love eating cold pizza.
28. I hate orange juice. And whenever there is orange juice I always give it a try but then half way through I realize how much I hate it.
29. I love juice, and my house doesn't have enough of it.
30. I don't like being committed to things becasue it then doesn't give me any options.
31. I don't mind being independent, I probably prefer it more. But I depend on people alitle too much when I have the option too.
32. I hate people lerking over my shoulder looking/reading everything I do/write.
33. I can't stand nosy people and don't have the patience to deal with them.
34. I hate people who treats me like a motherfucking kid.
35. I use to be the taller than almost everyone, and now I haven't grown and inch since grade 5.
36. I am a smart girl, but not in the way you think.
37. My brother and I are more mature than our parents.
38. I take things too seriously, and because of that I lack a good sense of humour.
39. I forgive too easily sometimes, but I never forget.. I just pretend like I do.
40. I like planning on hanging out with people but never actually come through with it.
41. I want to learn how to play the cello, stand-up bass, and the trombone.
42. I want to be able to speak Greek, Mandarin, and Spanish fluently.
43. I want to surpass everyone and rub my achievements in their face.
44. It takes me a while to get use to people younger than me.
45. I like to tell myself that I'm comfortable being rejected but really I'm not.
46. I sculpt, and sketch a lot better than I draw or paint.
47. If I don't know a lot about something, I usualy end up making up a logical lie.
48. I'm actually quite a boring person.
49. I don't know how to interact properly with people.
50. When I like someone I usually end up going to them about it but never say that it's them. -_-"
51. I think more than I should.
52. My glasses screwed up my vision more than the computer, the tv or reading too closely.
53. I like helping people.
54. I like being the person that people trust.
55. I give more than I recieve.
56. I need to take a step back and listen to my own advice half the time.
57. I find myself quite pathetic.
58. I can sing on key, kind of (usually a little flat), but I'm not an amazing singer or anything.
59. I sing better in my lower range, and I like it better when I sing there.
60. I like people remembering who I am.
61. I'm a worry wart.
62. I have a two octave voice range. My lower note is the G right after middle C, and my highest is the 2nd G above middle C.
63. I love clothes that are nicely fitted so that when I look into a mirror I don't hate myself.
64. I love eyeliner on me, but I get embarassed if I wear too much.
65. I love wriitng about myself.
66. I'm allergic to Vodka
67. I hate champaine.
68. I only like drinking alcohol when it's really diluted with other things
69. I hate feeling obligated to do something, makes me not want to do it more.
70. I love chocolate.
71. I hate being too picky, so I'm indescive.
72. I love designs, and graffiti
73. I hate people who don't do/buy things becasue it's not authentic.
74. I have a problem with buying all the clothes that looks good on me, becasue I'm afraid that I'm not going to find it again.
75. I want to become a model photographer, hair designer, cosmetologist, bass player in a band, when I grow older. And if all fails I'll have my math skills to fall back on.
76. I hate people who are too controlling, and they frustrate me a lot./
77. I like sweet things, I like salty things. Spicy is okay, but not too much spicy. Bitter is only okay when it comes to chinese medicine.
78. I'm jealous easily.
80. I like reading, but I'm un-motivated and is hard for me to get into.
81. I love hair and make-up, and wish people would trust me more with things like that.
82. I always wait for people to come ot me about things/with things. But it always end up not happenig and then me goingt o them.
83. I get really annoying wehn I'm nervous.
84. I have days when I get really fidgety, talk a lot, and bouncy... and those days are when I'm happpiest.
85. I get attracted to older men too easily, and it's kind of gross.
86. I always say that I"m bored, but I always find something to get distracted by.
87. I have too much guilt on my hands, even for the smallest things. It's ridiculous.
88. Even years are my best years.
89. I regret too much, and can get easily embarassed.
90. I ALWAYS like the guys that I can't get. I've been single for 16 years going on 17 becasue of this.
91. I want to be the best at life.
92. I have this dream that I'll become famous and have all my fianances taken care of, and I depend on that dream.
93. I always find something wrong about the thing I'm doing.
94. Another nervous habit of mine is picking at my flaws, or whatever i'm doing's flaws.
95. I love excersing and sweating, makes me feel good. :)
96. I love excersing without going to a gym, because I'm too uncomfortable with myself to go to a gym.
97. I wouldn't mind going to a gym if no one was there, or with my friends.
98. I love singing and that's that.
99. I'm a sucker for cute boys, and things.
100. I'm selfish, and is a closet narcissist.

i want robbie and i to be BFF.

I wish I could write like this in all my blogs then I wouldn't need to have a secret blog.

I think my dad is so damn closeminded about shit is becasue he's uncomfortable with who he is. And he's trying to be something that he imagines that he should be or that everyone man is.

lame.

and my mom is so stupid.

fuck, whenever i leave for just a second she'd go on the computer and try to play a game of freecell before I get which is usually within 2 or 3 minutes, it's so lame.

seems like everything, to me is just either black or white.

I can settle for a happy medium for some things like my hair, for example when I want it to be really blonde but then it goes to this golden yellowy colour.. I'm fine with it.

But with things like people.. it's black or white (not the colour skin) but just my opinions about them, and it's hard for me to change it, even after I get to know them better.

aight I bougth some hari mask thing.

and I've decided I'm going to wash my hair every two-three days, casue' it needs some serious greasing up and some hardcore pampering.

it's so high-maintanence, and needs to be tamed HELLLA.

I love affectionate people. and I love honest people who I can trust and talk to without them being repulsive.



annnnd, where are my parents?!!



my life has been so uneventful ever since I've quit winners. I don't dare to say it but I must, I miss winners.




umm I think that whole DWA shit is fucking riduculous, and fucking racist. Why don't they have signs saying DWI (driver was indian) so that they would be aware that they wouldn't be able to undersatnd them ahead of time.

I want a boyfriend to call my own. But like that'll ever happen.

and I want to know how to play the cello, and trombone right now!

and learn how to play guitar better and bass.




I'm glad thatI'm geting closer to robbie, but it sucks how I always gets closer to people when they're about to leave. Maybe it's subsonscious thing. Get close to them when I don't have much of a chance to get too close to them, because I have problems with commitment and staying close to people. It's lame but it's how I am, I think.
-_-"


I wish my subconscious state of mind wasn't so lame. It's so damn pessmistic and screws me over always. I need to get away and re-wire myself.

fucking sakes.

I WNAT TO BE PERFECT. and all knowing.


I want to impress, and be motivated.

i regret it so much becasue my hair is so dead now!
but I like it.

this friday night includes me getting a perm
:)

but no extensions, oh well. :)

i want to get extensions and a perm.
-_-"

everyone is getting into polariod, shit.
-_-"

i'm not afraid of who I am, but what I am.

I want to do something with my singing.
and my music stuff
I wish I knew how to play the piano better so I can show off to blake and simon, and NJ.

I have a english test on thursday, fuck.

I want a boyfriend, just to call mine. And to hold me, and suffice my needs, hahah.
fuck I'm whore.


I feel so ugly sometimes.
I feel like I need to show skn to get any kind of attention.
lame.


I have my period, so guess what I'm going to rant about?
FRIENDS.

I hate them so much, yet I need them so much.

I want to hang out with my other friends from downtonw and what not, but I feel like I want to hang out with my friends from school so much more.

-_-"

On Friday dec 1

my cp art, the photography and journalism class went on a field trip to Vancouver to see Body Worlds 3 and Vancouver ARt Gallery.


It was the bomb.


Spent so much time with Robbie. (L)
hahah.
What a cutie pie.

Body Worlds was pretty gnarly, they didn't even seem like they were real people, they were skinned, so it seem like they were plastic and fake.
But it was neither.

they had a fetal development display and it was really cool, but sad at the same time. Cause' there were so many dead babies in a room. -_--"

I also got to talk to NJ for a bit. what a sly dog, haha.


Daniel and I were safety buddies, but he sucked asss. He kept ditching me, and leaving in harm's way. And I would shout things at him like "If I catch up to you, I'm going to stik my foot up your gnarly little bum bum" and he would freak out, and have a whack attack.



Melissa and I have figured out what we're going to get Robbie for his christmas present. We're going to get him an apron with the three of our faces on it, and a shirt. On the front of the shirt it's going to have " I <3 MY FAN CLUB" and then on the bottom back it's going to have mine and melissa's face on it. And we're goingt o get him santa grams, haha.
It's going to be so good! :D

And I'm going to quit Waveside soon! I hate it there so much, the schedules just keeps on conflicting, and it's not working for either of us. So I'm hopefully going to get a job at Shoppers Drug Mart. So that I could get discounts on hair-dye and make-up. Well, hopefully I can get discounts, if not I'll just have to quit, and work at London Drugs. so that I could get discounts. :)

Carol band performances are coming soon. My mom can give me a ride this friday, and my dad can possibly give me a ride next wednesday, and next frida my mom can give me a ride.
But for next next monday, tuesday, and wednesday I'm screwed. So I'm going to ask Robbie, or Lisa and Jill for a ride. Hopefully either of them will be able to. I wouldn't mind if I just had to carry a clarinet and a stand. But I'm carrying my bassoon, and every neccesseties of my bassoon needs, a stool, a stand and my music book thing. -_-".

fuuuck.

hopefully everything will work out in the end.














*keeps my finger cross*.

night

from feb 15

kissed, missed, and dissed.
where would we be without hate?
hate is our foundation to life.
not peace, not love, definetly not that cute boy that just walked by.
Think about it.
Without hate, would there be happiness?
Would we need to fight for peace?;
strive for human right?
Without hate, everything would be just right.
Everything would be fine.
No need for jealously,
No need for failure.
No need to fight, no need to try hard, no need to strive.
No need for motivation; for being the best; to be perfect.
Where's life without hate?
What would be the need to be free; to live?
Humans love to hate,
it's inevitable.
And, why would we stop something we love?
Why would we blame ourselves for our mistakes?
Why would we blame ourselves for unrighteous thinking;
For wrongful doings?
Why would we blame ourselves when we have the people around us to blame?
Hate, you just gotta love it.

from june 1st








With daffodils blooming,
hearts heating,
tongues slurred,
feets slithered,
scorched lips revealing words unspoken.

Clouds condensed of pain,
raining of sufferings,
blossom with temptations,
burdens danced on mental health,
Ride the zephyr with redemption.

Tear out compassion,
dance with flaws,
grip the remorse,
sell out to the moment,
arise with the horizon.

Rush to the saved,
reach for the grief,
take on the loss,
smile to the guilt,
Lift the weight of regret.

Hammer shame to the wall,
dent it with the anguish,
strike it with the happiness,
beat pleasure out,
Contain the joy.

Cry with the circus clowns,
laugh with the mimes,
confess to wine glasses,
disagree with priests,
shout to the wild,
and just giver.

from june 22






I went to the candy store,
cause' I heard there was a new flavour in town-
"LOVE"
is what it was called.
It brings new sensations,
it's the flavour of flavours.
It's extraordinary,
no,
more than that,
it's unbelievable,
it's so beyond our heads it's imaginable.
I step in the store,
and was awestruck
by the sight of the shelves stocked of LOVE.

I jumped with estacy streaming through my body
grabbed a box,
gave it to the man behind the counter,
he said "dollar fiddy please"


I wanted Love,
but I only had 10 cents.

damn I'm good.





Certain nights listening to spoken sounds from open mouths with words
stinging
so
clearly.
Now hear the tasteless meanings and boundless potential that
my
heart aches with pity for.
Eyes onlooking seeking for justice- proven their unworthiness.
Being bashful, and smite the hatred and the cliches.
Sins astounding with truth mentioned, temptations refuted and condemned.
Guilty pleasures-
marked
fragile.
Contents restricted.
Latex love with Trojan men - nothing but fiction. See through alibis that reek of violation.
Baby prodigies of peace in air-tight confinement with caked on love like the mask the woman
in the latest issue of blender wears.
The concept of old fashion love, is way beyond our imagination.
Leaning towards motley ambiguity to fornicate.
While Guerilla warfare in Hollywood city, with city lights are lighting up the
r o m a n c e l i f e
in a sacred refinement that sisters cannot seem to see their father's face in their recognizable disgrace,
as
they
are
becoming
of
age.
And shame spits without skipping a moment,so build up a repetoire of notes that represent of what
l
i
f
e

i
s
without crappy invitations of tantilizing needs.
Let the remarks roll and go bug eyes for the home cries, because con days and accurate make-believes are failures in future presentations.
Maybe someday the lack of success will suffice unlike old men's fable that were
once
real
life
stories.
And sometimes
someone
somewhere will hear of the spoken sounds from open mouths with words
s t i n g i n g
s o
c l e a r l y
And maybe their heart will hear and learn the tasteless meanings and boundless potential that my
heart aches with pity for.

I don't know why I'm so much more confident around men then boys of my age.


It's probably casue' Boiiiz are a lot more judgemental, and in closer relation to me, then men are.

or probably becasue men relate to me more?

I don'tknow.


but I want to get laid,
but not by a 60 year old man,

I wish I had the ability to attract men.

I just want to grab someone, and just be able to do things to them.

That's probably why I want to hang out with Jon.

I want to get more into photography and buy myself a really good camera.



I want to be the best.
werrd

I think it's just a phase that I"m going through right now.
But maybe not.
I feel like I need to be less shy about everything, and stop going for insecure boys.













and married men.

I feel pretty sexually frustrated right now, and that's kind of gross, haha.
I'm never going to get laid, ever.

it's a known fact.

right now I just feel like changing my whole identity, and start new with everything, and just create a new personality, the un-sexually frustrated person that I really am.

-_-"













I'm in love with a 40 something year old man.
it's kind of gross.

and it's not my dad.

i've been feeling really sick all day long
and I've taking tylenol, and advil for it
and I tried drinking lots of water, and eating food
but nothing worked, and it's gone down a bit but i'm still naseasu


I think it's just becasue of bad anxiety problems that I have.
I had to work by myself today with a cook.
and I had to close, and I guess I was freaking out about it, and what not.
And it's probably mixed with my bad anger problems and it just made me sick, and plus the lack of sleep that i got last night?

I don' tknow.

hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.
:)



I want the best for brandy
even though I don't see her as much as I should.
I dont' see anyone as much as I should
and everyone that I don't want to see as much I want to see more so than anyone else.
ti's fucking lame like that.

it's becasue they don't want to see me, which makes me mad and makes me want to see them more.

and the people who wants to see me makes me not want ot see them as much.
---"{

my head hurts like a mad motherfucker!

it's the left side,
and it feels like it's compressing inwards, I want it to stop.

I took a nap to make it go away
I took ibprofen
and i ate a sweet and salty granola bar to make it go away

nothing is working right now.
it feels like it's from today from the braefoot games when all the blood rush to my head.

FUCING GO AWAY.
it hurts.

maery was being an idiot.
I hate how she always thinks whatever she's doing is right and however the person retaliated is wrong.

she shouldn't have even bothered with trying to get the seat in the first place if he's just reading a book.

the time it took her to bug him about it, would have probably been a longer time than if she had jsut gone out and took a chair that was not being used.

And richard isn't the type of person you would want to mess with. But Maery ALWAYS thinks she's all that and that she's fucking tough.

What a fuckign narcissist.

JUST LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE.
if he didn't reply to you the first couple of seconds then leave it, for god's sakes.

and he probably didn't hear you, not everyone's hearing is the same.

I honestly probaby would have tuned out everyone if I was into whatever I was doing. That happens to me alot.

don't be so arrogant.

And dumping the water on his head?! what are you? 5?!?!! what were you thinking?! idiot.
You don't always NEED TO WIN.


as for the threat I admit that was a little overboard.
didn't look like you were as tough as you were.


whatever

I'm kind of sick of being mom
and the go to girl
and then the let's ditch her girl.

fuck everyone, and their problems and not even being able to be here for me.
thanks.

and his favourite actor/actress is julia roberts.

fag.

I think my dad does teh things taht he does becasue he's attracted ot men,

then why else does he tape america's next top model and watch it?


loser.

asshole.

i worked every day this past week except for thursday.

and this week I have no idea how m uch I'm working.

but I know I'm not working this saturday or thursday, cause" I fuckign rock.

I like it at Waveside, but only when ken is not there, cause he just makes everyting so fuckign nerve wrecking, ass hole./ hahaha


oh well
he's not there very often.
and that's ll good with me.

and you know what's the funny part

wehn I quit,
nigel was like "I'm sorry to have you leave"

it's been such a shitty past few days.

and it all started on thursday.

Jessie got dumped by his girlfriend becasue he got high. I persoanlly think that he was being really stupid. IF he knew his consequences than he shouldn't have done it. retard.

So let me give you the jist of waht's happening with that kid.

he's been having some serious problems. and he's been turning to drugs and girls to make him a happy kid. and his friedns are starting to turn on him, and is like "if you're not going to get help than we're not going to help you"

cause' they're sick of putting up with him all the time.

and so after thursday, he went and saw a professional something or other and now he's clinically insane. And he has to take anti-depressants, but he doesn't want to, and just want to sell them to people instead. But i'm like "jesse is they're going ot m,ake you better, then you NEED to take them" and he just shrug me off. MoFucker.

and he's just been a silyl boy since, obh yeah he cried at the dance, and I gave him a hug, and he just held on, poor boy. I just odn't know what to do wtih you sometime, jesse.


Second thing:
Jeff, he got hit by dan's dad who was drunk and shit.
Jeff has a broken femor, a lot of bruises, and cuts. And is still in the hospital. But he's getting better, thank god.

and dan's dad called jeff's family and was like "it wasn't my fauit it was dark, but i'm sorry that my life is going to be fucked up" nothing about being sorry about doing it, fucking ass hole. Shit I have no respect of rthat man. I never likes him anyways, I always got a weird vibe from him.

whatever.

Third:
I made the fucking mistake of jokingly saying that it was dan's dad, and turns out it was.
fuckign idiot.-_-"

fourth:
saturday,
I put in my two weeks.
Nigel yelled at me.
So Alysia told me to find all of the mismates on the shelves and just bring them back to the warehouse. And so I was doing taht, and I got like a basket full of the mismates, and I was bring it back to the warehouse, and Nigel was there. And he's like "no, you're not bringing thowse back here, it's ridiculous, just last week we found (FUCKING ASSHOLE IT WAS ME WHO FOUDN MOST OF THE MISMATES) all of the mismates, and I'm not havin all of those mismates back here, so go back out and find them."

me: well alysia told me to find them all and put them back here for her to find

nigel: "well i'm manager, and I don't want them here"

me: "fine"

then he looks and drags cot into this

ngiel :"she thinks she can bring that b asket back in here, why don't you send some people to help her"

scot: I JUST DID

nigel : "scott sent people to help you, so there's no excuse that you shouod'tn be abel to find those mismates:

me: "I DIDN"T KNOW THAT"

sio i got fed up and just walked away.. while they were saying something to me

so I went back and did what the mofducker told met o do. Find the mismates.
then he comes around looks at shoes and says

nigel : "How can you be doing that when shoes looks like this? "

me :" well you told me to do this, so that's what I'm doing ritght now. I was trying to tell you before, but you jsut kept talking about the mismates "

nigel: "well you shouldn't be working on te mismates, when shoes looks like this "

me: "wel you TOLD me to do this, and what's what I'm doing right now."

nigel: "you can't find the mismates, when shoes looks like this"

me: "you told me to do this, and that's what I'm doibng"

nigel: "well clean the shelves first and then dealw tih the mismates"

so I just wlaked away again, and try to clean up the shelves.

kristina said somethign to me, and i just started to cry becasue of all the stress that I've been dealing wtih lately.

and everyone saw tha I crying.. it wa embarassing.

So when Iw as leaving nigel didn't say shit to me. fucking asshole.

he always pulls stunts like that. He's ALWAYS picking on me for no reaons, And I work so much harder than alysia and Sandy, and I dont' know why he's always nice ot them. He always says shit like "shoes looks disasterous right now, go and clean them. "

FUCK YOU. why don't you try finding some mismates? It's not like you do anything, anyways.

I hate it when they shit like "well I'm manager, and you do as I say"


FUCK YOU, I'm a person as well.

do something fuckign work.













well.. I think that's all of the bad shit that's been happeing to me altely.



some good stuf.

-robbie hugged me
-serge pulled me away fromt eh dance, adn showed me his eyes (he had red contacts in
-i got a new job at waveside
-i gave in my two weeks.
-i went to ariels party, and drank a bit.
-met new people
-

fuckign shitty day today


jon's brother, jeff... got hit by a 60 year old drunk driver
dan's dad was the 60 year old drunk driver
dan is so devastated
I wish I could help him in some way, but I can't. He wont let me.

I feel so stupid right now, I said some stupid shit becasue i dind't know it washis dad. I was just jokingly saying that it was his dad, adn he was like "it was my dad"

and i was like"no.. stop it, it's not"

and he just ketp on saying "it was my dad"

then he started to tear up,
and I grabbed him adn was like "woah.. are you okay"

and he said "it was my dad"

and my heart just stopped..and I went blank.
I immediately apoloigized.

I was just like "I'm so sorry Dan, I didn't know.."

and I tried to hug him but he just pushed me away, and turned away

and I was jsut like "it's okay.. it's going to be oaky.."

and I just stopped talkikng..

it was so stupid..
I should have clued in.

I ahte seeing my guy friend sso upset to teh point where they tear up..

I really hoipe he's okay.

I want him to be okay.
I want him to tell me he's not.

i want to help him..


JOn is oretty pissed off about the whole thing. I don't blame him. he's in the hostpital right now visitng jeff.



also, todya I was supposet ot ogo to a funeral. It's my dad's cousin's brother. So I didn't really knowhim.. actually I don't know him at all. But I can't stand funerals. They impact me for the next fews days also.


I jsut want shit like this to stop happening.

I want the world to be content.

no violence.

no hate crime
no drunken accidents
no nothiung.


fuck i'm sick of hearing about this kind of dumb shit.


I jsut came home, smoked a bit.
andjust sat on the kitchen counter,
and just think.


it just sucks like a motherfucker.


it's kind of ironic though cause just last week we had the MADD presentation.




fucking hell.
it's going to be all over the news,
and in the newspaper, and they are going tomakefuckignshit up and make dan's dad sound bad.

I hope his fmily is okay.

I really od.


I was suppose to smoke some pot with joce anddevon tonight but weston doesnt' have the weed.

it's lame.







today fucking sucks.


I just want it toend. right now,right here.

OH MY GOD,
robby piercy touched me. *dies* hahahaha.
and richard copped a nice feel hahahah, by accident of course.
I was going in for a hug, and his watch got caught on my dress and bra, and when he tried to yank it off he yanked down my bra with it, and got a nice feel, hahaha.
I really hoped that I impressed pual jung tonight. I just feel that he some how hates me, hahah.


oh yeah, I definitely think that nick fletched hates me too.


hey, all my teachers this semesters are male. except for ms howe.
aahah.

ye yeah.


oh yeah, I always feel like I need to impress NJ all the time too. Male teachers always seem so much cooler than female teachers and I always feel the need to impress the male teachers more so than the female teachers. It's probably becasue I long for male attention, only when they don't give me the attention that I want.

I have a problem with getting close to people. Just when they start to get clingy I step back. I step back like a mo fucker. And just push people away.

I love boys, yet I hate them at the same time, haha.

I'm so glad that Robby Piercy is getting comfortable around me now. It's cute. He's so embarassed by Melissa and I. Cause' we're so obnoxious during band class. But he's obviuosly the best boy alive right now.



Winners called me three or so times tonight all within the hour between 9pm and 10pm. I was at the halloween school dance so I couldn't have picked-up.
I'm getting really anxious as to what they wanted to talk to me about.

Paul Kovach was in the store yesturday, and he questioned me. So scary. I hate being put on the spot like that, it's so lame. And fucking stupid.

werrd

what hapened with LorLai?

wht happened to what's his face.

I don't know if I want to be what I'm beign for halloween
it's lame,
and i don't want to fix my dress thing.
-_-"

and I don't want to make a headress.
fuck that shit.

but I guess I'll have to.

Since they're depending on me to.

it's kind of embarassing
cause' it's politically wrong.

I miss Cody so much whenever I'm talking to him.
or just whenever.
he's my bestfriend, and I wish he knew how impportant he is to me.


shit.




I think I got a new job. YES. putting in my two weeks.
And Michael got a job.
save on foods memorial centre as a dishwasher.

I wish I knew what everyone thinks of me.

I know I"m a two-faced bitch, and I know some people only pretend to like me..
ahem nick fletcher.




I seriuosly think that, that kid hates me a lot.

and I get so scared? of him

screw it.

and nobody ever calls me up and ask me if I want to hang out,
nobody really makes an effort to do anything with me, fuck ti,



whatever it's life.
and my period is coming soon.

I often wonder if I look like anything that I do in my pictures.

I feel like I don't.
But I look like I do.

I'm in CP Art, and I love it so far.

though I'm fucking intimidated by EVERYONE, especially Paul.. and Brandon.

I also want to get into Photography stuff as well.

I've drawn some pretty cool shit so far.

I love the naked girls that I've drawn, especially the one that I jacked from David Choe.

sorry David.

mad props to you!

I get so embarassed at work whenever I walk by the mirrors and take a glimsp at myself. It makes me so depressed, and I always want to cry, and try to avoid standing infront of people, it's so humiliating.

I'm such a monster.

I hate it.

I wish that I would just lose some god damn weight.

I think I want to start weight watchers or something, and lose some of this fat.

so chris and I got into a dicussion today, as usual.

the argument/discussion was "why do so many african american people still believe in Christ, after being so brutally abused by white christian people?"

I say that you can't hate a religion just because of someone's actions. It's unethical. It's like hating gay people just because of someone of the gay oriented hurt you.

And it's all just free-will to believe or not believe.

He already had a bias point-of-view, but as with me.. I try to be as un-biased as possible. Plus, I'm on both fences.. christian and non-christian side.


yeee

so I just drank some soya milk, and it was a lot more gritty tasting than usual, gross? I know.

so long story short.. to make the gritty-ness go away, add milk.

it's been like 10 days since the last time that I've blogged. hahah

it feels like as if it has been more daysm haha.

I've joined CP Art. And I'm doing a painting of Chairman Mao, with his name and other chinese characters in the background.

I've been so stressed lately, and it's not good for my health, it causes placque on my brain, it's pretty lame but whatever. I kind of wish that I hadn't taken psych., cause' it makes me over analyze myself, and most of it is true to me, and it all makes sense. And it's scary.

I think I have CAH, which is when females have an excessive amount of testosterone. Think about it, I'm overly agressive, I'm better hanging out with guys than girls, I like talking to guys more than girls, I'm good at math, I'm good at the visual stuff.

Actually I think I have both a female and male brain. So all in all.. I think I'm.. bisexual. Well I don't think. I know. I've known since grade 5, except that I just havn't accepted it, or even said it, or wrote it down. Cause' it's like the epitamy of my conscience, and I get so scared, and embarassed if anyone finds out.
shit man.

I've said it a couple of times just to say it, not because I meant it or anything, and even now I'm still not "meaning" to say it. I don't mean it, even though it's true.

I just feel really awkward saying shit like that, because I've grown up in a culture who hates gays. I'm Chinese and "Christian". ouch.

but me having a female and male brain is not unehtical, or unlogical. It makes a lot of sense if it is like that. I fight like a mad man, and get emtional like a menopausal woman. It's true.




payce.

i hate fat jokes that makes me feel low about myself, and fucking self conscience around everyone.

i hate fat remarks that makes me want to kill myself, and make myself look better, and lose some fucking wiehgt.

i need to eat less, and eat better,
but my house doesn't have anything.



it's fucking lame.


fuck looks.
but yet, I can't stop thinking about looking skinnier,
I want tot behappier.

I want to be happy with myself, and the way i look.
I want to be able to share clothing with my friends.

more like borrow their clothes without stretching it.


it's fucking embarassing when that happens.


i'm so fucking self conscience you have no idea.







shit.

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WIEGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE, LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE, LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE, LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE, LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE, LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE, LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.
I NEED TO EXERCISE MORE, LOSE WEIGHT, AND GET MYSELF A BOYFRIEND.

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, GET BETTER LOOKING, AND GET GORGEOUS.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, GET BETTER LOOKING, AND GET GORGEOUS.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, PERIOD.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK BETTER.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK BETTER.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK BETTE.R
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT TO LOOK BETTETR.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT OT LOOK BETTER.


I NEED TO LOOK BETTER, TO GET A BOYFRIEND, GET SELF-ESTEEM.
I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, AND LOOK BETTE.R

GET A BOYFRIEND,
GET SKINNIER,
LOOK BETTER,
GET A BETTER SELF-ESTEEM,
GET A BOYFRIEND,
LOSE WEIGHT.

LOSE THE FUCKING WEIGHT, AND MAKE MYSELF LOOK BETTER,
AND GET SEFL-ESTEEM.



LOOK BETTER JESSICA!



RESOLUTION FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Your Social Dysfunction: Schizotypal You display social deficits and oddities of thinking. Your perception and communication are similar to those of a schizophrenic.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.

Your Social Dysfunction: Paranoid You show pervasive and unwarranted suspiciousness, and mistrust of others. You are overly sensitive and prone to jealousy.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com Please note that we aren't, nor do we claim to be, psychologists. This quiz is for fun and entertainment only. Try not to freak out about your results.

RIP LEONARD.
:(


that book is so sad.
Made me cry in CP Art (aka my spare)


I've decided on what I want to do for my photography project
it's pretty much based on the theme "You are you're own toughest critic"
and it's going to have a lot of pictures of myself hahaha. - _-"

As for my art projects I want to do a lot of oriental-based pictures, not like anime, but just a oriental theme.

I want to do a chinese or japanese girl being surrounded by lillies, koi fishes, and vines or crazy designs.

I want to do pictures that'll impress Mr Jung and everyone around me.


I want to do sketches now that'll help me practise.

I want to do more realism pictures like faces and what not. But I need a lot of practise, A LOT.
My try at realism always fails, it always end up looking not like the person, but still kind of cartoon-y but not cartoony??

I don't know how to explain it.

whateveeeeeeer.

I can't talk to guys, and guys that arn't my friend don't want to talk to me.
it's a crappy lifestyle.

I'm kind of sick of my boobs growing.
It's a ego booster, but at the same time it makes me feel really trashy when I wear certain shirts, and more self-conscience, believe it or not.

and bra shopping feels like I'm making 50 year old men with wifes have hard-ons, and it's kind of gross and embarassing.

-_-"

but it makes me feel like people are thinking that I only have breasts because I'm fat.


werrrrd bitches.

I'm more talented than you fuckers, and you're all getting more props than I am,
fuck you all.
I just don't know how to use it all to my advantage, and it's fuckign screwing me over.


fuck it all.

it's not like I can give everyone a piece of my mine,
they wont understand, they wont accept it.
they wont give me another chance, or the time of day.
They wont like me,
they wont be my friend.
I'll be gone, I'll disappear.
I hate how I can't find love, or something like it.

I want to be the best at fucking everything,
I want to impress the fucing world, nad succeed with high excellence.

fucking give me the honour that I deserve, and for my fuckign modesty, and fuck it all.

just fuck it.


let me learn from my mistakes and let me grow.


fucking squeeze my tears out of me, cause' I'm fucking sick and tired of crying for things that I cant have,
and for things that no one will care for me.

for things that people will not know, and for things for people will not care for me about.



help me improve, let me learn about the things in life,


I will never be a model, I don't have the body type for it, nor do I ever think I will ever have.

I want to be goregous, and blow everyone's fucking minds.

I want to prove everyone worng who's every doubted me, fuckign stun everyone.


lose my weight, create a new type of beauty.


blow everyone's fucking minds.

I'm everything everyone wanted me to be and more,
I'm everything everyone said I am and more.

I am that scenester kid that you wanted me to be or said that I am,
I am that fuckign ugly shit ass girl that walks down YOUR hallway.



I'm not nice, not pretty, not smart, and of no value to you.


fuck you shallow hoe fucks.

sweet sounds of softly spoken romance.

I vow to bleach my hair blonde if I ever decide to dye my hair back to black.

drained, and restless dayseven scriptures disapprove of such responsibilities.Over worked, and continuous over achievementsnothing more than just awards on top on mantles covered in dust.Striving to learn, striving to be the one who's the exception to the lawthe law of standard, and being normal, the law of being average, and going through the cycle.
Make believes, and false hopes are the only things to rely on

quality bonding time with peter, dylan and Lisa. yee yeah


I hate those stupid little grade 8 bitches, golly. I never wanted to destroy such a population EVER. haha. -_-"


they're so annoying and immature and have no respect for their elders, fuck .

I just ended up screaing at them at the end when we were trying to get off the bus.

they're so stuck-up, fuck .



but alst night it was hell a fun we playe d anight game something to do with a tower.
the objective is to touch the tower, but on the tower were Ben and Mike and they had a bright flashlight that they would use to serach for people and if they find anyone the person would have to go back to the starting point and get a nother piece of paper that says that they're not caught already.

Lisa and I were togehter and we were on teh grounfd, crawling, rolling in shit, haha. it's so good.
We were like "one two three ROLL" we treated it as if it was like war or soemthign, haha.

and whenever someone came by we were like "hold on, keep still, down" hahah. and they would walk right by. it was so good. haha.

it's funny how I could be sitting right bseide my mom, dad, or brother and I could be writing shit in here like I WANT TO FUCKING kill themn or shit like htat.

haha.
-_-"


I want to smoke some weed right now.
I've started smoking q-tips and paper again.
Such a stupid and bad habit.
I want actual cigerettes but I'm too chicken to actually ask for some.
-_-"



I don't want Scott hating me or think I'm some big loser because I don't smoke weed.
I do want to, but I told him I didn't.
I'm so stupid.
:(



gah, maybe I'll straighten things out with him I don't know.
He stopped talking to me right now I told him that I have smokked weed before, eeer.
damn him. I want him. haha.
I'm so desperate it's not even funny.


god, there's this guy Dustin, he's such a cutie, and I want him too.
-_-"
I'm so stupid.
hahahaha

it just seems like whenever poeple need help I've ALWAYS there to help them,
and go out of my fucking way to help them and when I ask for them to return the favour, they fucking leave or tell me to fuckign calm down.
THat's not what the fuck I want to hear, it's fucking shits.

I'm so sick and tired of people's ignorance and their arrogance, fuckng suck my coak for crying out loud.









I'm sick of people's shit.
I just want to be apathetic, and a fuckign sociapath and get over with life.
I'm on teh verge of a emotional fucking breakdown and just blow up in everyone's faces, and just not want to care any fcukin more.
shits.

I'm so overdone, and everyone is just abusing every fucking thing that i have to offer them.
My love and my dignity.
fucking good bye, to fucki.









I just need love.
fucking love is all I need.

I've been working way to much, the only good part about is that I get to see hot guys, friends visitng me, and pay-day even though we should be getting 9 dollars an hour just like the new people. It's fucking lame how they're ripping us off.
I don't know if I like Sandy or not, she talks so fucking much shit, and I want to kick her.

God, I like people too easily. I met this guy Scott, he's so sweet. I'm such a hopeless romantic, fuck. hahah. he compliments me so much. He calls me pretty, tells me that I look really good in my fur coat, that I'm cute; that we should hang out, that he wants to see me move it; that I should go partying with him and shit. He's cute. He even said that I'm down to earth, :).


I respect Chris..kris?
Even though he frustrates me sometimes till no end.
He's a good guy and he means well, he's just blunt .. that's all, haha.

I make him sound like a maniac sometimes and I regret it a lot of times cause' he's not.
He's so smart and he just has a lot to say, and as do I.
We just don't really agree with each other most of htt iem.

but yesturday.. err thursday .. for the first time it seemed like he actually cared about me, well maybe the second or third time. But it meant a lot last night because I've been so fucking emotional lately and things just havn't been going my way.

Every time at the start of the lesson he would ask me how it goes and we just talk about the past week or so and what not, and on thursday I just said "I'm tired, restless and stressed.. and I need more sleep" or something like it, and then half way through the lesson he was like "yeah, now I can tell that you are tired.. you usually have more patients" It's cute, and I appreciated it. My friends doesn't even seem to notice my lasck of energy and shit, and it's fucking ridiculous.
I'm getting really fed up with the "friends" that I have. It's fucking lame, and I hate them so much sometimes. They just don't seem to care as much as I do for them.
FUCK THEm.

I don't know, I just felt like someone cared on thursday, it felt good to know that. My "friends" ignore me a lot, and I'm fed up. I just want to fucking shit kick their asses like no fucking tomorrow, and just tell them off. but I'm afraid of losing everyone, I'm afraid of being a lone. But if I did lose everyone, I would transfer over to Spectrum. And it's fukcing lame how I have to think like this, I shouldn't have to if they were my actual friends, and cared for my fuckign ugts, shit./

But they're so fucking oblivious it's a fuckign joke.


RYAN IS ONLY 19 YEARS OLD, oh yee. ;)

Life is a fuckign bitch, some people just work harder than others just to achieve the same fucking goal.


CAMP IMADENE, so glad to be getting a way from everything.
SHIT I'm so tired of teh same thing everyday, same shit differn't story, shut the fuck up.


FUCKING HELL.
I'm just so angry at the fucking city of victoria, and everyon ein it.
well almost everyone.

why doens't anyone like me more than a friend for once?

I guess I'm just worhtless,
I guess I'm just not right
I guess I'll just due alone
fuckkkkkkkkkkkk.

the fugitives are fucking amazing,
so jealous of their talents
I can't write worth shitl.

I don't know if it's becasue my period is coming or if it's just came by it self or what.


but friends arn't dependable worth shit.
FUCK THEM.
ignorant assholes.

best fucking day of my life last night!
RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS CONCERt
it's fucking unbelievable
they were fucking amazing
flea is a GOD, fo sho.

Ali and I sat in row 14 seat 2 for the Mars Volta openeing,
but then we moved down to the front row (side balcony kind of thing) to where joce and devon were sitting, to wait for the chili peppers to come on,
so when the lgihts turned off Joce and Devon hopped the fence/gate thing and got onto the floor without getting caught.
So a couple of minutes later when the Chili Peppers were on Ali and I wanted to get onto the floor as well, so we waited until the security guards back was turned and we booked it,
then this lady security stopped us and we thought that we had gotten caught so we showed her our tickets anyways and she just pointed towards the middle isle and told us to go there and so we did and we just kept going closer and closer to the stage and we were like 4th row from the front in the center, it was fucking amazing, chad, flea, anthony, and john were so fucking close I could have fucking shit myself or something, it was the best moment of my life, and I jsut felt myself let go and danced my ass off. But 15 or so minutes later the security guard camed and checked out tickets and got another security guard to escort us back to our seats. so then alki and I just went back down to where joec and devon were before and dance our ass off there.

oh god, they did an encore and everything and had mars volta's guitarist playing. It was fuckign awesome, they had so much unity, and they were so together and shit. It definitely chamnged me, and makes me want to be a dakmn good bass player liek Flea, cause he would just break out into little bass riffs and I was lie "SHIT, I want to be like that, I want that to be me up there". I want to be good. I want to be like him. He's the man.

BEST FUCKIGN DAY OF MY LIFE.


but I didn't really enjoy Mars Volta, it really bored me and ali too. Maybe it was our seats cause' Joce and Devon and Maery really enjoyed them, and joce and devon were in front, and maery was on the floor up front. And ali and I were just in back of the middle section.

It was fucking awesome,
but when I was tehre it didn't really click in for me that I was actually seeing the Red Hot Chili Peppers, it was as if I was jsut watching them on tv or some shit like that. It was unreal,


BEST FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE.

FUCK YEAH.

I SAW THE FUCKIGN RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS, that's fucking rights!!!
SHIT MAN.

BEST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE.




I CAN'T STOP SMILING.

I'm so glad I went, best day of my life right there, coudn't have asked for more.

but it was too bad that they didn't play under the bridge, otherside, 21st century, hard to concentrate, and other good songs like that.


they playe dmostly songs from stadiukm arcadium, a few old songs and one or two really old songs.


it was the best fucin dya of my life.




fuck fuck fuck, I LOVED IT.
the best I've been in a long time.

"friendships good especially if you don't have another choice"

shit fucker.

I choose work,
I choose isolation,
I choose sucess.

they think they can prevent me from being isolated, from being bored,
but yet ironically they're doing the exact as they said that they wouldn't.
fuck them.

I choose to do both, and this is where I ended up.
I chose both,
I got one.


hard work gets no where.


work hard now, party hard later I guess.

I choose work.

I do'nt even know why I depend on them so much, when really I don't depend on them at all.

shit man,
fuck friends and h0w "dependable they are"


fuck you all. thanks.

be proactive.
be a better person, be the best, do better, succeed; Get a life, get married, have a family; Find love, find trust, show honesty; Seek adventure, be entertained; Accept yourself, conformity is wrong, respect; Who are you? What's your morals? Show your pride; Take notes, read it, learn it, and change it; be confident in who you are, transform your self-esteem; Keep self-reliance, give everyone a chance, confide.
be who you are.





FUCK JOCE.
shit man.

Jessica, your personality is shaped by your Logical nature.

Your clear logic makes it easy for you to be direct and reasonable in your thinking and communication. When trying to make sense of an ambiguous situation, you probably prefer to consider facts and past experience over all other approaches. For example, it would not be unusual for you to choose a tried-and-true approach to reasoning over an idealistic one.
But that's just the beginning of what this projective personality test can tell you. The pictures you saw in the test are ambiguous — they don't inherently represent anything on their own. But they elicited responses from you nonetheless. Your impressions of what the images mean, or the characteristics they possess, is one of the most reliable ways to determine aspects of your personality.

Jessica, your confidence level is high

As a result, you may tend view yourself as a wonderful, lucky, or energized person. However you probably also have your days when you don't feel so hot. After all, you're only human. Because of your usual high level of self-acceptance and belief in yourself, you're generally open and accepting of others. People who come in contact with you likely appreciate this generous nature and may seek out your company. Your intelligence seems to be the trait that you most value in yourself of the five main traits that affect confidence. You also seem to appreciate this characteristic in others.Want to find out how you scored on the other four traits crucial to confidence?


umm not true??

Jessica, your most positive energy is flowing from your Sixth Chakra

This chakra is located in the center of your forehead and is often called the third eye. The sixth chakra represents your ability to see and really know truth. In your case, this chakra appears to be clear and unblocked so that positive energy can flow from it freely. Radiating positive energy from your sixth chakra indicates that you've cultivated higher wisdom concerning the important life lessons associated with this energy center. You're apt to be accepting of the people and events in your life rather than pass judgment on them. You're also likely to have developed a higher level of intuition than most people have.
Whether they're allowing positive energy to flow or preventing it from doing so, all seven of your body's chakras contribute to how you are feeling on a day-to-day basis. When they're balanced, you feel energized and at the top of your game. When they're unbalanced, you may feel tired or 'off'. While we have focused on identifying the one chakra that allows your positive energy to flow most freely, we have also discovered the ways your other six chakras are handling the passage of energy.

What is your Healing Sign?

Chiron in Cancer

If Chiron falls in Cancer in your chart, you bear the pain of a lack of love. This placement posits someone who feels unworthy of love and turns their energy outward, giving too generously to everyone but themselves. You sacrifice your own pleasure to avoid the pain you feel. At the heart of Cancer is the need to nurture, make a home and seek security. Cancer loves to bring the downtrodden into their arms and nurse them back to health -- they're always taking in stray cats and relatives fallen on bad times -- but with Chiron in Cancer, they neglect their own pain. Rather than giving all your love to others, Chiron in Cancer encourages you to give love to yourself. Unlike other Signs, with Cancer, you must give your time to your OWN cause for a change! Cherish your own need for love and nurturing and you open yourself (and your wound) up to the world, allowing love to flow back to you. Once you concede that you need love, you can give of yourself again, this time in a more balanced, healthy way. Allow for self-indulgence, a well-deserved reward you give yourself for all you've done for others.

pretty much made me cry almost.

caressed and slithered,
hand movements,
round and round.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK UFUUUCKK FUCKERS> hdadkljkljJUST UFKCING SHITl . SUFK< C.

FUCKING KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING WORHTLESS OVER ACHEIVING PIECE OF SHIT!!
FUCKING DIE, GAH I HATE YOU AND YOUR FUCKING LIFE.
well I guess that would be my life.
AGGAGAH.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
SHIT HEADS AND SHIT.
DIIIE MOTHER FUCKER>


I NEED ANGER< AND I NEED IT NOW,
I NEED A ARGUMENT AND I NEED IT NOW.

was it naive of me to think that there was greener grass?
I make make believes.
believe half truths, and false accuracies.
shit I don't know the difference between black or white.
I sense realityt but chose not to believe such horrors.
I take in the competitions around, read it, learn it and defeat.
compress distress into a whirlwind of haziness.
self destruction, spontaneus combustion

i need a new fucking mouse or else I"m going to flip this chain, fucking hell.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
Your struggle is between two facets of yourself. You truly want to have a good time in the present moment but you also need to do the right thing. It can be hard to do both. But this is not the end of the story, for your attempt to incorporate both aspects of yourself creates your current situation. Finding your way through this dilemma will take you on a journey into your own subconscious mind. What you find there can help you be a happier person.





SO FUCKING TRUE, THAT I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
though I wish it would just tell me the answer.

fuck,
I'm prety much having a nervous breakdown or some kind of shit right now.

I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE ANYMORE.
I don't have time to be a kid, and enjoy my youth
and I do'nt have a life,
it's so consumed with EVERYTHING, but my friends.
Well, what friends?
not like thye ever call me to hang out, except for Joe.

I want to do well in life,
but screw the whole fucking "work hard now, play hard later"

I WANT BOTH,
I can't handle just one or the other, well maybe the other, not just one.


I NEED A LIFE,
I want to have fun.

chris/kris suggests that I quite my job because I'm finiacially supported by my parents,
but I need a job, I need it.
I don't want to quit.
But it seems to be the only way to have my life back,
maybe I just shouldn't work so much.

LET ME HAVE A LIFE GOD DAMNIT.
fuck.

I don' tknow about my hours for school time.
I just sent in my availabilty form today, and I feel bad if I change it again,
I feel so irresponsible.
gah.


FUCK YOU DAD, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!

OH GOD, I don't think this whole job thing will click in for me until I get my first pay check. HAHAH. Well Today was some pretty darn hard work. I worked from 12pm-6:00pm. Tomorrow I work from 1:30pm-10:00pm.

All I did today was Find mis matching shoes, shoes without their lefts or rights, and put them in the mismates section then sort them, and find their other foot. After we fill up some of the shevles, we then move them to their actual shelves. We walk away then come back and find them on the ground again. People are such idiots, haha.

They come walking in the mismates section, find a shoe they like, try it on, then they come up to us and ask us where the other shoes is, or if we have it in a different size. When clearly there are three signs in the same aisle saying "MISMATES, PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH", people are so oblivious. Golly.

Or they shit like "WOW, WHAT A MESS, WHAT HAPPENED??", then they try on some shoes, and instead of putting it back on the shelf they jsut kick them off to the side. THANKS FUCK FACE.

My feet hurt, a lot and I can't wear converse shoes, or skate shoes. SUCKKKKKKS ASS.

GAH GAH GAH


HOPEFULLY I'LL DO SOMETHING BETTER TOMORROW>


oh yeah I LOST MY TAG, gagaggagaga,

in a way i regret giving the slant bangs a heeve ho.
but oh well.

my mom found and gave me her Canon AE-1 50mm SLR camera,
I just need to know how to work it all,
STUPID JAKE for only helping me over the internet.

I miss Joce, but we're both socialy awkward,
even with each other. -_-"

so what's up?
I've been away for a week, camping in seattle,
visiting relatives in vancouver.
my cousins and aunt and uncle from Calgary came down, so we saw them also.
yeah, my brother and I arn't very tight with them,
and we avoid them as much as possible, yup.


did I mention I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!1
OH HELLS YES, FINALLY!! gah.
I work at Winners in the footwear department!
werrd to your momma.
I'm so excited, scared, nervous, and all.
I hope I do well!
but I'm so happy that I got a job!
I didn't really realize it,
and I still havn't really.
GASH.

FUCK EH,
FUCK YEAH.

I got a myspace that I'm letting everyone know about, finallllly. hahah.

bye bye slant bangs

hello straight bangs.
:)

1. You need so much attention sometimes, but yet you pay so much attention to her. STOP IT YOU HOE BAG. hahah

2. we're so much a like, but you're better.

3. shut up you're not fat, geez.

4. uhh you need to talk more, and act like a best friend

5. good luck with whatever you're going to do after school

6. umm love me?

7. come back come back come back come back

I'm so frustrated right now.
they're so inconsiderate,
don't they know ANYTHING??
doesn't anything click in their fuckign heads?
shit, how do they think I'm going to get the job?

but I also want to go to the states,.
and shop.
Maybe I'll just go camping,
and then I'll call back at Winners afterwards,
and just check up,
and if they don't give me the job,
I'll go apply elsewhere.

I doubt they'll hire me anyways,
cause' I don't have any work experience.
just a bunch of volunteer shit.

I just don't know what to do anymore,
I hate shit that happens like this, fucking hell.

maybe going to the states wont be as I expected,


I don't want to talk to them,
they're arrogant pieces of shit,
but who am i to judge?

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

this is pretty much my chance at getting a job,
and my parents want to take me to go camping in the states on TUESDAY?
and I just gave them my resume on wednesday?
what's wrong with them?>??

don't they know how important this is for me?
don't thye know how much I want this?
FUCK THEM,
shit.


they make my life so miserable sometimes,
my mom just sucks at knowing when to do the right thing, or not.
she's so stupid sometimes, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUCCK.





gah



DEAR PEOPLE< FUCK YOU.
thanks.

I'M SO GLAD THAT I GOT 80% ON THE MATH PROVINICIAL
I'm so glad I got better than Phoebe
she hoped for me to fail
and I fucking showed her up
FUCK HER>

FUCKING HELL.


WINNERS CALL ME!!
KAYLA QUAN COME BACK FROM PORTLAND NOW.




I don't want to hang out with Daniel EVER.
I can't stand being around him, and his arrogance.
it makes me worry that I'm like him.
But I hope I'm not.
He's constantly putting people down,
and I can't take it,
so I always put up a fight,
and Phoebe's always like "WOAH CHILL GUYS"
and Iw ant to be

SHUT THE FUCK UP shitface.
fuck he makes me so angry,
I want to fucking beat him down
like no man's land.

plus, I don't think he likes me that much anyways, so I don't mind.
I only hang out with him because Joce and Phoebe are like BFF with him,
yeah.








pervs can fucking die.



I want to lose 5 pounds by the end of htis year,
or before school
GOOD LUCK.


I want people to want to hang out with me,
I want people to invite me to things
I want people to stop not inviting me to things just because I don't drink, or do drugs.








FUCK THEM.













yeah.

I'm content right now,
and that's all there is to it

..
.
.
.

for now.


Brandy slept over on sunday
we watched John tucker must die
it was SOOO good, hells yeah.
Thought John Tucker Jr looked a lot better than john tucker himself
GEEEEEZ
plus he had a hella better attitude than john tucker.
golly.

Then on tuesday I hung out with Kas
we went downtown AS USUAL.
then we went back to her house and Dana came over
we walked over to the movie store
and we were going to rent Donnie Darko
but they didn't have it
so we rented Domino instead
IT WAS GOOD.
it was about a bounty hunter
and keira knightly was in it.
ye yeha
it was good hanging out with Kas again
though we lack in the conversations haha
it's all good
we don't mind it.


Then on wednesday for half of it I spent it at home watching tv and EATING yeye yeh.
then the other half Joe came over
and we lacked in the conversations and
then we went to the movie theatres
we met up with Weston
then Dan
then weston joe and i went in to the movie, Pirates of the Carribean 2
ye yeah.
Dan said that he was going to wait for Stacy and Peter cause they had left there house alreyd and was going ot come
but he never ended up showing up in the theatre, which was weiiiird
hahah.
I think they might have went to a differnt hteatre, funny funny.
But they movie itself was GOOOOOOOOOOOD
barbose comes back!!
and jack sparrow "died"
sorry if I ruined it for you,
thought I don't think anyone readst his,
AT LEAST I HOPE NOT.
tell me if you read this
so I can find you and shoot you for knwonig so muh.

Thursday
well this is stupid.
I was suppose to hangou tiwht Jes but she ditched me for her aunt.
It's weird
I saw her almost everyday that I wasn't hangingout wiht her and with other people,
and the day that we were suppose to hang out on she ended up ditching me
and I tried calling her and everything,
more than once,
and she still hasn't replied back or called me.
WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD>

I don't get it etiehr.
Fridaywell my parents have the day off
and so I think I might be chillin' with them for the day./
Saturday I'm going up to Duncan HOPEFULLY
to go see Aliveinside. which is a concert near duncan
with my youth group at my church.
I WANT TO GO
and meet hot boys
and go out with them
hahaha. ye yeah

GAH
I don't know if I shold go apply at Winners
or wait unilt I come back from camping iwth Branyd.
:(



Sunday night brandy is coming over and she's staying the night
cause' we're leaving in the monring ot go campnig on monday
we're camping by Cambell river
for two night
that means we're coming back on wednesday. :)

OH YEAH
friday (tomorro)
peebee might mightmight be coming over and staying the night
so we can HOPEFULLY watch SHE'S THE MAN cause'
that's what we were going to do last time
but it was all rented out
in ALL THREE movie stores!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what's the deal with that
but but but SHE ALREADY SAW IT
what a loser.
-_-"
I'm so ashamed of her.
golly.
oh well
hopefully she comes over and we'll watch it. nand partty.
and be gangstah.
ye yeah.
hahhaha



JOCE IS COMING BACK NEXT WEEK
or soemthing like that.
yey eyah
I'm excited
she's been gone for far too long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ye she has.
she's written me 3 times
well 4 if you count that half assed e0mail she sent.
hahahahahhaha.
and I wrote her 4 or 5 times in e-mail
of course.
cause' I didn't know where she was staying exactly
cause' she was moving around constantly
ye yeah.


anyways I should go to be now
I'll write more later???????????????????????
aight
payce.

80% ON MY MATH PROVINICIAL HELLS YEAH!!!

laughing will only bite you in the ass

mm the smell of failure is in the air.

I'm getting 75.2% now. but I think it's plummeted since. I BOMBED the test we did today, :(. and I studied well tonight for tomorrow's final.
I'm just hoping that I'll pass the course with 68% that's all.
But it WOULD be nice if I pass with 73%. but good luck on doing that, HAH.

-_-"

I definitely havn't been keeping this updated since summer school has started.

BUT TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY! FUCK YEAH.
I'm so glad. If I do it next year, I'm definitely going to just do Math, haha. Or maybe English. :)
Not CHEMISTRY. cause' I fucking suck at understand all the words.
YE YEAH.

But we still have to go back on Friday to get our report cards.
but I think after report cards, I'm going to head over to Tillicum mall and apply at Winners,
and drop off my resume and be like BITCH PLEASE, hire me I know Kayla Quan. OH YEAH.

I just gotta print off my resume now,
maybe i should first edit it, and then send it to kayla and be like is this good enough?
and she's be like BITCH PLEASE, fix it. ye yeah.

I'm just glad it's over with, and now my life is just starting, well at least my summer life. :)
FUCK F UFCKFUCKFUCKFUCK YEAHHHHH.

oh god, what if I failed the test today?? shit shit shit shit. I really hope I didn't,
shit shit fuck fuck,
:(
GAGDJKSEDASJKLDAJSKLHDJKHSAJKLSAD
daskdjasldajkd fuck.
I studied, but when I went into the test I forgot shit all. FUCK. I guessed on ALL of the questions, well maybe except for the first few, so hopefully I got those. I better have copied charles answers right.
-_-"

well I talked ot some people, and they suck at Chemistry also, which makes me feel so much better. And I looked at the marks and I'm not at the loweest mark in the class, THANK GOD. :)

YAAYAYAYYAYAYAYYA. hopefully I do well on the exam tomorrow. I want to get at least 68%, that's all I hope for in this course, is 68%. :) Nothing more. I havn't taken science since january, I'm surprise I even remeber this much. I think I might take Chemistry 12 during this coming school year, just so I can get it over with.
I don't know. I think it'll be for the best though. :)


on the brighter side of thigns, my hair is getting longer. :D:D:D::D:D:D:D


peaceeeee bitches







I don't want to fail, fuck failure. fuck me. -_-" shit motherfucker.

I'm getting 76.2% right now, FUCK YEAH.
:)



TO THE FEW THAT CARED AND TO THE FEW THAT MATTERS:
thank-you. Though, I can't trust any of you, ever.
:)
You guys never cared enough, never acted like you really were my BESTFRIENDS. Never invited me to anything cause' I don't do drugs or drink. FUCK YOU. Stuff like that shouldn't matter, you should just invite me anyways. Thanks. Thanks for "caring" and thanks for "being there".

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

I'm getting 72.5% so techinically 73% I'm just BARELY getting a B.
FUCK FUCK FUCK. I NNEED to do better, I need to get at least 80% on every test from now on, and same with worksheets, which means I'll just copy off of Dani for the rest of the time. fuck sake. I'm A FAILURE.
I need to come out of the course with at least 73%
soo if I fail the exam and want to come out of the course with 73% I would need to get over 100% in the course itself. -_-"
I'M SO SCREWED!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to buckle down and do better!!!

but I'm just not that committed in it.
and I need to take it more serious,
but I guess I'm not
I just can't cncentrate.
I can't pay attention and learn the material, it just seems so foreign to me.

And I almost failed the test today!
I got 53% and it brought me down to 72.5%
I just barely passed it,
I did the worst on that test. 20/38.

I hate how stupid I AM.
I'm such a failure,
I can't even pass a course that's suppose to be easy. I'm so stupid.
:@
as long as I get 73% as my final mark, I'm happy.










I WANT THIS TO BE OVER AND DONE WITH RIGHT NOW,.
I CAN'T HANDLE THE STRESS AND THE EARLY MORNING WAKINGS.
:(

if you can read this and understand, let me love you.

racecars screeching to finish, burst with enlightment. Stopping, then starting again without a train of thought and a sense of direction. Sisterhood, non-existence. Passions gone to a hault, and there's no stopping. Kings and Queen's inbred, and royal love. Skins meet like there's no tomorrow, without is not an option. Releasing the air of compassion, reaching for the healing. Grab endearment, and giver. Foreshadows are for the insecure. Self esteem has nothing to do with it. My sweet valentine stiked with resentment.
















































































FOCK.

L - A - S - T
01. Last Cigarette: today
02. Last kiss: can't remmeber
03. Last Cry: today, kind of
04. Last Library Book Checked Out: does it count if it's my chemistry book?
05. Last Movie Seen In Theater: da vinci code?
06. Last Book Read: a million little pieces
07. Last Cuss Word Uttered: fuck
08. Last Beverage Drank: h20
09. Last Food Consumed?: cookie
11. Last TV Show Watched: one on one
12. Last Time Showered: yesturday
13. Last Shoes Worn: my welfare one
15. Last Soda Drank: root beer?
16. Last Thing Written: root beer?
17. Last Words Spoken: can't remember.
18. Last Annoyance: daniel, and or my mom
19. Last Time Scolded Someone: today, at Daniel for being an idiot
20. Last Web Site Visited: nexopia.

B - O - D - Y:
01. Piercings: ears
02. Tattoos: pen tattoos for now
03. Height: 5'5
04. Shoe size: 8.5-10 women, and 8 or 9 guys?
05. Hair color: black, or at least thats what it says on my liscence. :)
06. eye color: brown

L A S T . . .
01. Movie you rented: can't remember
03. Song you listened to: don't know the name, it was on hte radio and I zoned out for half of it.
04. Song that was stuck in your head?: Gold Lion- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
05. CD you bought: can't remember
06. Person that's called you: branddy
10. Person you were thinking of: poonie, and brandy.
11. Friend you made mad: probably Daniel.

T R U E O R F A L S E . . .
01. You have a crush on someone: true-ish
2. You wish you could live somewhere else: true
03. Think about suicide: false
04. You believe in a God: true-ish
05. You want more Piercings: true
06. You drink/have drunk: true
07. You do/did drugs: false
08. You smoke/have smoked: true
09. You like cleaning: true
10. You like roller coasters: true
11. You write in cursive: false

F O R *O R * A G A I N S T...
01. Long distance relationship: Against
02. Teenage smoking: give'r
03. Doing drugs: eh
04. Driving drunk: against

H A V E*Y O U
01. Ever cried over the opposite sex: yeah
02. Ever lied to someone: yeah
03. Ever been in a fist fight: yeah
04. Ever been arrested: no

RANDOM...
01. Who is your best friend: i have a couple
02. Shoes do you wear: my welfare ones, converse, and my flip onnns.
03. Are you scared of love: I don' tknow, no.
04. What are your favorite bands? red hot chilli peppers, and belle & sebastian

NUMBER..
01. Of times you have been in love? 0
02. Of times you have had your heart broken? 0
03. Of hearts you have broken? 0
04. Of drugs taken? 0
05. Of people you consider your enemies? a couple, but I don't think they know it. Except for one or two.
06. Of scars on your body? a bunch, and I think I have a newly added on on my lower right back ,:)
07. Of things in your past that you regret? hahah a lot

GAH,
I havn't updated in like 10 DAYS,
geesh.

I've been so busy wiht summer school, I've been studying HELLA.

and apparenlty in a 9 day period I'm going to have 6 tests.
SHIT MUDDAFUCKER.
gees.

but right now I'm gettin 77%
and I got 82% on my last test
I'm gettin gbetter.



FUCK FCK FUCK
protect BRANDY.
I want her ot be happy again.
she doesn't deserve shit like that,
not at all.
I want to punch her mom and shit kick her for what she's doing to her famnily.
Her dad met up with her tonight
let's see how things go.


I went paintballing on saturday
got three battlewounds
on my thigh, right arm, and right lower back.
I'm so proud,
but the back one hurts a bit.
ouchy, oh well. :)





peace out
and more to come.


ps JOCE IS GONE, I kind of miss her.

1. You say that I'm your best friend, when have you EVER showed me that? i'm definitely not. You only say that when you want me to keep a secret, and to feel guilty if I break it. FUCK YOU. I always ask you if you want to hang out, when was the last time you asked me to hang out?probably a year ago. Fuck you.

2. You say that we need ot hang out more, you never make any effort. Fuck you.

3. have a good life. RIP.

fuck YOU EVERYONE.

hey, I guess my period IS coming.

what the HELL?? Friends are so lame. So they're at a movie and they didn't even bother to invite, well I guess what's new. :)

SUMMER SCHOOL IS A BIG DRAG.
I'm almost fuckign failing,
and it's such a joke.

I fuckign hate myself,
why am I so fucking lame.



I hate it.














I hate it when people fucking assume everything


or when i did something once, and that they'll think that that's what i'm going to do EVERY TIME then on,


I FUCKIGN HATE THAT.

i want to kill everyone who does that.

it's so lame, fuck.


goddamnit.

I just hate it when I open up to others and they open up to someone else,
it just makes me feel like an asshole, fucking hell.
I'm such a loser.


why do I do that?



I just want people to trust me,
it's not easy for me to trust people,
or maybe I just trust people too easily.



fuck friends,
seems like my period is coming soon.

FUUUUUCKING HELL.


shut up Jessica, you always do that!!
you always get yourselfd in deep arguments and you always make them uncomfortable and fuck.
shit.



summer school starts tomorrow
and I have to go into SIDES
and check it out
for spanish 11

Jessica, your palm reveals you are especially good at Letting your love flow

Our psychologists were able to confirm what palmists have known for centuries: the lines in your palm reveal many things about you — including details about your future.Your palm shows you are a very warm and compassionate person. You give your affection freely to friends and family that you care about most

Jessica, you are most afraid of moving forward

Have you ever noticed that you're more concerned about making the "right" decisions than many people around you when it comes to your future? Or do you sometimes worry more than you should about committing to your personal or professional goals or feel anxious that you'll never really be successful? If so, you're not alone. There are many people who share your fear of moving forward. It can be a real strength to recognize your fears. By being aware of the things that frighten you, you can assess whether fear is helping you or negatively impacting your life. For instance, a fear of moving forward may sometimes motivate you to take action in a positive way, like by experiencing a wider variety of things than others. However, fear's negative aspects can sometimes be more damaging than you realize. Living with fear not only prevents you from living life to the fullest; it can also have a significant negative impact on your energy, health, and your close relationships if not kept in check.

Jessica, the body type you were born with is called Kapha in Ayurvedic medicine.

This means that most likely your bone structure is on the larger side and your metabolism tends to be slow. Your constitution leads us to believe that you are generally both calm and content.

A key component to an Ayurvedic lifestyle is to eat, live and interact with the world according to your natural body type. In relation to eating, Kapha types should be eating foods that taste sweet, sour, or salty. Since you gravitate towards an iceberg lettuce over a salad seaweed salad, we can tell that you're choosing some foods that are best for your Kapha body type.

Jessica, your Sweet Spirit makes you amazing

Have a heart? You certainly do. Thoughtful and warm, you make other people feel at ease and welcome whether you're hosting a party or just attending it. You can't help it — you're a sweetheart who's a great friend to just about everyone.Sincere and kindhearted, you look out for those you love and will often put the needs of others before your own. It's no surprise friends and family look to you for advice and a shoulder to lean on. Helping other people makes you happy. That's the best superpower any hero could have!

Post as many statements about people in your life.
Never tell which is directed to who.

1.You're my bestfriend for life, as least by title you are. We've faded so much, and it always seems like such a drag talking to you on the phone cause' 95% of the time you're not talking to me, you're too busy talking to your brother, or whenever I have a problem and I try to talk to you about it, you switch topics halfway through. We've had our good times, and we seem to never have our bad times, we definitely should keep it that way. We have to hang out lots this summer and show each other why were are best friends forever. Love you babes.

2. I never talked much because I'm timid around you guys, I'm so intimidated by you all. You all
have your special talents, you all are amazing at what you do. You don't worry about me leaving, don't blame yourself. You are NOT responsible for my growth in the group, or with the Him. It was probably the hardest thing leaving the group, but I knew I had too. I'm not meant for it, I'm not the right person. When I left I felt everything dropped, and I felt like I've lost it all, but I know it's not true, I know I'll get by. Keep it real guys, and keep doing what you all are doing.

3. I don't know what to think of you sometimes. You pay so much attention to her and not me. I feel so left out when I'm around you two. I just feel like I shouldn't be there. I know you know that we're fading. I know. I think you hate me, and I think it's true. You don't even aknowledge that I'm around. You're too busy with her, why don't you ask her out already? I just feel so parted.

4. You, you're too kind. You're so sweet. And I love you for it. I love it when you call me and talk to me about your problems, you have no idea how much it means to me. It's so cute. I want to be with you.

5. You use to be there for me, you did. You helped me out a lot. Then your life turned and you
went away, and now I don't talk to you EVER, and when I do we only get pass "what's up?" and you have to leave. Please come back, or at least come on more often. Good luck in Vancouver and Calgary.

6. YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE RIGHT. GAH. Shut up. Then again, so do I.

7. DON'T GO AWAY. You're my best guy friend. I'm going to miss you so much. It's not the best choice, and you know it. You know it, I know it, your mom knows it, everyone knows it. Call me up when you're in town. Good luck man. Don't forget me.

8. I once believed that you were my male equivalent. Now, I'm not so sure, but then again we don't talk much anymore. You were one of my best guy friend too. But one summer you went away and came back a differnt guy, a guy who was distant who wasn't the same. I hated it, I wanted to tell you badly but I didn't probably because you were so distant. I love it when you start conversations with me, cause' I always had to start them with you and I felt like I was bugging you a lot. I hate that feeling, when we're engaged in a conversation but I feel that you don't want to talk to me and that I should stop, so I say that I have to go but then I block you and pretend that I left, PS that's happened on more than one occasion, sorry.

9. you're such a cutie. I love you and your affectionate ways. :)

10. I'm so intimidate by you, love me.

11. Good times with you, we use to be closer. I love it when you come to me with your problems. I love helping you, I love helping everyone. But at least try to help me out.

12. I like you but it seems like we only talk when you have problems. -_-"

13. FUCK YOU.

14. I love you, you hottie. You better call me for coffee soon!

15. I don't know if I respect you or not.

16. YOU'RE WAY TOO COOL FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! Touch me.

17. You introduced me to a really cool webcomic. I followed it for a while, then I stopped cause' it was hard catching up on them, I still remember you, even if you don't remember me. It's cool that you introduced me to a webcomic that I liked and followed cause' I don't usually do that.

18. I'm going to miss you next year! No more verbal beatings from you in the mornings, at lunch, and after school. I loved you and your sexual ways even if you are gross. We use to be close then you started to date her, we fell apart. Peace man, good luck and hopefully we'll see each other again!




I FEEL LIKE I'M GROWING UP WAY TOO FAST.
SO MUCH SCHOOLING THIS SUMMER.