I use the Asian jokes too much, it's lame.

I totally disagree with Richard what he said about feeling lonely about his family beign away from home.
I would be so happy, my family annoys me,
I'm so different from them but at the same time I'm not.
I'm just a bitch to them all, and it's pretty lame.

so I really like this guy name Joe, not W., but he doesn't talk to me ever on Nexopia. Cause he rarely ever replies. He's either thinks I'm a bitch, fucking annoying, or he's intimidated by me, which I doubt.

I betcha anything he's thinks I'm a fucking bitch cause' I talked to him a lot at the beginning of the shcool year, then I stopped talking to him, cause' I get really intimidated by him every time I see him at school, so yeah.

But fuck, I hate it when I get so obsessed like this, cause' it drives me crazy when they don't reply.

I still like the other dude, but he's a moron. Well, he's not a moron, he's a fucking cutie pa tootie, he called me "dear" last night, AND asked me how I was, AND he started the comversation, which, in all, was a fucking bonus.

I HATE GUYS, oh God.

My mom is a fucking nazi, she's fucking insane, she nags and nags and nags and never stops talking. She's a fucking pig also, and a fucking hypocrite, for Christ sakes, STOP EATING, or at least stop trying to feed me all the fucking time!!!!!

Shit, it's liek she wants me to be skinnier by eating a hell of a lot more. WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT????!


YOUNG LOVE, WHY ARN'T YOU WORKING FOR ME???!?!?!?!?!
I feel so lonely at times, especially before and after my periods.

I wish I had more confidence wsith guys, or had that THING that guys look for.
I do'nt understand their thinking strategies.

I wish I oculd be comfortable with my skin. I wish I could be more out there, and tlak a hell of a lot better.

If I ever die before I'm suppose to and this gets found, and someone wants to publish it, I think I'd be embarassed if I ever came back alive.

Mayeb relieved that everyone found out about what I'm actually thinking?

So, the other day Devin m. traded me a lighter for a bus ticket, now I don't have to ask my mom for a new lighter. And I can smoke more stuff. I think I shouldn't do drugs, cause' I'll be addicted, no matter how many times I tell myself that I wont get addicted, I think I would.

Anyways, I wish I wasn't such a fucking nutcase. I wish I had my train of thoughts straightened out, and my speech impedement fixed. I like can't construct a proper sentence.





I'm so fucking overwhelmed with school work,
It's times like this that I want to drop out.
I hate SOCIAL STUDIES, it's so fucking useless,
especially if we keep on learning about Canadian History,
WE ARE SO BORING,
I DON'T WANT TO LEARN ABOUT LAND MASS AND INDIANS,
AND STUPID WARS OVER LAND.

I WANT TO LEARN ABOUT DEMOCRACY, WORLD DOMINATORS, AND POLITICS,
anda ll that jazz.


IT'S SO USELESS learning about climate.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??


WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING ME TO USE THIS??
like when I'm in the interior of Canada and I turn to a random person and say,
"I KNOW WHY THE WEATHER HERE IS SO EXTREME, IT'S CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE SO FAR AWAY FROM THE OCEAN"
LIKE WHAT THE FUCK???
YOU MORON,
STOP GIVING US PROJECTS,
EVEN IF I WASN'T IN THE MUSICAL, I STILL WOULDN'T DO IT.
YOU'RE FUCKING INSANE MS SPRAY.
YOU NAZI, STOP IT
YOU'RE WORST THAN MR RHODES.



I CAN'T HANDLE ANYTHING NEGATIVE RIGHT NOW,
IT FEELS LIKE I"M JUST ONE BUNDLE OF EMOTIONS.
It's uckign lame.









gagh.asdasdasdkg
anyways yeah.
peace.

why din't you just like me?
caus'e it's opbviousyl there's something between us!
we've hooked eyes numerous times
we've shared things to one another we would never dare to speak of.
We know each so well.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I don't know how many times I have to say it to myself before we get anywhere.

FUCK, I need to feel your warmth again!.
I need you

god dammit I wish I was goregous like fiona.
:(

I've realized that whenever my period is about to come or has arrived I rant on about how my friends and such.


I'm sick and tired of guys wanting girls with fucking confidence and self-assured-ness, and fuck all. I think what I'm trying to say is, why can't guy just like me, for once?

Why can't I just be that girl on someone's mind??

Whenever I think about this stuff, I start thinking that I'm a fucking fatty and that's why, and then I get all selfconscience and waht not.

DANCE ON THIS WEDNESDAY!!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED!! I WISH WE HAD ONE LIKE EVERY MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

THEY ARE SO MUCH FUNNNNNNNN!!
:D

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I need to find friends that'll call me up on the weekends and ask me if I want to do something with them.
I need friends that'll show me that they care.
I need friends that'll include me in things that they do.
I need friends that'll be enthusiatic about seeing me
I need friends that I can trust.
I need friends that'll be there for me.
I need friends that'll realize there's something wrong, and stay and help
Not run away, and think that they should just ignore me.
Fuck them.
I need new friends.
I'm sick and tired of them not even thinking about me first.

I fucking hate being second choice.
They never make any effort for me, you know?
So most of the time I just doin't really act enthusiastic around them.

I jsut don't think I fit with them.
They just seem to never really notice me.
Or find some way to include me.
Whatever, as long as I'm doing my job as a friend includ9ing them, being nice, and fuck all.
So they can just suck themselves.

Why don't I hang out with other people?
I don't know, I'm just fucking lame like that.

They don't even notice that they are hurting me most of the time.
They ALWAYS complain about their bodies, and making fun of people that I'm friends with right infront of my face.
It's fucking stupid.
How am I suppose to believe them when they say "oh Jessica you're not fat"
and they turn around and just complain about their own bodies?
That just makes me feel insecure.
Or when they call each other fat jokingly, but they can't even do the same for me.
That just makes me feel alienated, and just different.
WELL I'M FUCKING SORRY I'M NOT A SKINNY MOTHERFUCKER LIKE YOU ALL.
well, screw you all, I don't even know why I care so much.
I don't even know why I put so much effort for these people.
When they obviously don't care enough to even include me for hang outs and what not.




ironically enough phoebe is sleeping over tonight.
peace.

107806614

Am I going to see the sun today?
Am I going to taste the rain?
Cause' I can feel it dancing on my pride.

clairol natural instincts -good -has brown
garnier nutrisse -bad -
loreal color experte -good
loreal color pulse mousse -stays in blonde
loreal excellence cream -good
loreal feria -good -blonde

yeaaaah

Well, Mattaius makes my life happy,
hahhah. -_-"


The other day in band, he sits beside me now,
he turns to me and asks "Jessica, how good are you on the bass?"
I was waiting for him to say bassoon, but he didn't and I replied
" how do you know that I play the bass?"
"I have my sources"
"that's creepy, who'd you hear it from?"
"I heard it through some people"
"people?!"
"yeah, I heard it from marc"
"marcus?! why is he talking about me playing the bass? that's weird"
"hahah no, I just overheard him talking to wannamaker the other week about how you were replacing dylan adn what not"
"ooooooooooooooooh that day"
"yeah, so how long have you been playing?"
"about 3.5 years now"
"oh that's cool, maybe you could play for me"
"uhhh okay" -pretty creeped out, hahha
"well, my aunt wants me to get a group together and play for a banquet thing that's she's organizing, so I was just wondering if you wanted to be apart of it."
"oh yeah? tha'ts cool, sure"
"well, we're going to be playing and there's going to be millionares walking around, and hopefully they'll book us, and we can make some money."
"oh, that's awesome"
"yeah, my friend and his mom did a gig and they got lik $1500 each"
"HOLY MACK!, that's so crazy"
"yeah, we would probably start off with90 and hour"
" *stunned* holy crap!"
"that's not even that much, we could earn up to $150 an hour"
"hooooooly mack"