was it naive of me to think that there was greener grass?
I make make believes.
believe half truths, and false accuracies.
shit I don't know the difference between black or white.
I sense realityt but chose not to believe such horrors.
I take in the competitions around, read it, learn it and defeat.
compress distress into a whirlwind of haziness.
self destruction, spontaneus combustion

i need a new fucking mouse or else I"m going to flip this chain, fucking hell.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
Your struggle is between two facets of yourself. You truly want to have a good time in the present moment but you also need to do the right thing. It can be hard to do both. But this is not the end of the story, for your attempt to incorporate both aspects of yourself creates your current situation. Finding your way through this dilemma will take you on a journey into your own subconscious mind. What you find there can help you be a happier person.





SO FUCKING TRUE, THAT I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
though I wish it would just tell me the answer.

fuck,
I'm prety much having a nervous breakdown or some kind of shit right now.

I DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE ANYMORE.
I don't have time to be a kid, and enjoy my youth
and I do'nt have a life,
it's so consumed with EVERYTHING, but my friends.
Well, what friends?
not like thye ever call me to hang out, except for Joe.

I want to do well in life,
but screw the whole fucking "work hard now, play hard later"

I WANT BOTH,
I can't handle just one or the other, well maybe the other, not just one.


I NEED A LIFE,
I want to have fun.

chris/kris suggests that I quite my job because I'm finiacially supported by my parents,
but I need a job, I need it.
I don't want to quit.
But it seems to be the only way to have my life back,
maybe I just shouldn't work so much.

LET ME HAVE A LIFE GOD DAMNIT.
fuck.

I don' tknow about my hours for school time.
I just sent in my availabilty form today, and I feel bad if I change it again,
I feel so irresponsible.
gah.


FUCK YOU DAD, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!

OH GOD, I don't think this whole job thing will click in for me until I get my first pay check. HAHAH. Well Today was some pretty darn hard work. I worked from 12pm-6:00pm. Tomorrow I work from 1:30pm-10:00pm.

All I did today was Find mis matching shoes, shoes without their lefts or rights, and put them in the mismates section then sort them, and find their other foot. After we fill up some of the shevles, we then move them to their actual shelves. We walk away then come back and find them on the ground again. People are such idiots, haha.

They come walking in the mismates section, find a shoe they like, try it on, then they come up to us and ask us where the other shoes is, or if we have it in a different size. When clearly there are three signs in the same aisle saying "MISMATES, PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH", people are so oblivious. Golly.

Or they shit like "WOW, WHAT A MESS, WHAT HAPPENED??", then they try on some shoes, and instead of putting it back on the shelf they jsut kick them off to the side. THANKS FUCK FACE.

My feet hurt, a lot and I can't wear converse shoes, or skate shoes. SUCKKKKKKS ASS.

GAH GAH GAH


HOPEFULLY I'LL DO SOMETHING BETTER TOMORROW>


oh yeah I LOST MY TAG, gagaggagaga,

in a way i regret giving the slant bangs a heeve ho.
but oh well.

my mom found and gave me her Canon AE-1 50mm SLR camera,
I just need to know how to work it all,
STUPID JAKE for only helping me over the internet.

I miss Joce, but we're both socialy awkward,
even with each other. -_-"

so what's up?
I've been away for a week, camping in seattle,
visiting relatives in vancouver.
my cousins and aunt and uncle from Calgary came down, so we saw them also.
yeah, my brother and I arn't very tight with them,
and we avoid them as much as possible, yup.


did I mention I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!1
OH HELLS YES, FINALLY!! gah.
I work at Winners in the footwear department!
werrd to your momma.
I'm so excited, scared, nervous, and all.
I hope I do well!
but I'm so happy that I got a job!
I didn't really realize it,
and I still havn't really.
GASH.

FUCK EH,
FUCK YEAH.

I got a myspace that I'm letting everyone know about, finallllly. hahah.

bye bye slant bangs

hello straight bangs.
:)

1. You need so much attention sometimes, but yet you pay so much attention to her. STOP IT YOU HOE BAG. hahah

2. we're so much a like, but you're better.

3. shut up you're not fat, geez.

4. uhh you need to talk more, and act like a best friend

5. good luck with whatever you're going to do after school

6. umm love me?

7. come back come back come back come back

I'm so frustrated right now.
they're so inconsiderate,
don't they know ANYTHING??
doesn't anything click in their fuckign heads?
shit, how do they think I'm going to get the job?

but I also want to go to the states,.
and shop.
Maybe I'll just go camping,
and then I'll call back at Winners afterwards,
and just check up,
and if they don't give me the job,
I'll go apply elsewhere.

I doubt they'll hire me anyways,
cause' I don't have any work experience.
just a bunch of volunteer shit.

I just don't know what to do anymore,
I hate shit that happens like this, fucking hell.

maybe going to the states wont be as I expected,


I don't want to talk to them,
they're arrogant pieces of shit,
but who am i to judge?

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

this is pretty much my chance at getting a job,
and my parents want to take me to go camping in the states on TUESDAY?
and I just gave them my resume on wednesday?
what's wrong with them?>??

don't they know how important this is for me?
don't thye know how much I want this?
FUCK THEM,
shit.


they make my life so miserable sometimes,
my mom just sucks at knowing when to do the right thing, or not.
she's so stupid sometimes, FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUCCK.





gah



DEAR PEOPLE< FUCK YOU.
thanks.

I'M SO GLAD THAT I GOT 80% ON THE MATH PROVINICIAL
I'm so glad I got better than Phoebe
she hoped for me to fail
and I fucking showed her up
FUCK HER>

FUCKING HELL.


WINNERS CALL ME!!
KAYLA QUAN COME BACK FROM PORTLAND NOW.




I don't want to hang out with Daniel EVER.
I can't stand being around him, and his arrogance.
it makes me worry that I'm like him.
But I hope I'm not.
He's constantly putting people down,
and I can't take it,
so I always put up a fight,
and Phoebe's always like "WOAH CHILL GUYS"
and Iw ant to be

SHUT THE FUCK UP shitface.
fuck he makes me so angry,
I want to fucking beat him down
like no man's land.

plus, I don't think he likes me that much anyways, so I don't mind.
I only hang out with him because Joce and Phoebe are like BFF with him,
yeah.








pervs can fucking die.



I want to lose 5 pounds by the end of htis year,
or before school
GOOD LUCK.


I want people to want to hang out with me,
I want people to invite me to things
I want people to stop not inviting me to things just because I don't drink, or do drugs.








FUCK THEM.













yeah.

I'm content right now,
and that's all there is to it

..
.
.
.

for now.


Brandy slept over on sunday
we watched John tucker must die
it was SOOO good, hells yeah.
Thought John Tucker Jr looked a lot better than john tucker himself
GEEEEEZ
plus he had a hella better attitude than john tucker.
golly.

Then on tuesday I hung out with Kas
we went downtown AS USUAL.
then we went back to her house and Dana came over
we walked over to the movie store
and we were going to rent Donnie Darko
but they didn't have it
so we rented Domino instead
IT WAS GOOD.
it was about a bounty hunter
and keira knightly was in it.
ye yeha
it was good hanging out with Kas again
though we lack in the conversations haha
it's all good
we don't mind it.


Then on wednesday for half of it I spent it at home watching tv and EATING yeye yeh.
then the other half Joe came over
and we lacked in the conversations and
then we went to the movie theatres
we met up with Weston
then Dan
then weston joe and i went in to the movie, Pirates of the Carribean 2
ye yeah.
Dan said that he was going to wait for Stacy and Peter cause they had left there house alreyd and was going ot come
but he never ended up showing up in the theatre, which was weiiiird
hahah.
I think they might have went to a differnt hteatre, funny funny.
But they movie itself was GOOOOOOOOOOOD
barbose comes back!!
and jack sparrow "died"
sorry if I ruined it for you,
thought I don't think anyone readst his,
AT LEAST I HOPE NOT.
tell me if you read this
so I can find you and shoot you for knwonig so muh.

Thursday
well this is stupid.
I was suppose to hangou tiwht Jes but she ditched me for her aunt.
It's weird
I saw her almost everyday that I wasn't hangingout wiht her and with other people,
and the day that we were suppose to hang out on she ended up ditching me
and I tried calling her and everything,
more than once,
and she still hasn't replied back or called me.
WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD>

I don't get it etiehr.
Fridaywell my parents have the day off
and so I think I might be chillin' with them for the day./
Saturday I'm going up to Duncan HOPEFULLY
to go see Aliveinside. which is a concert near duncan
with my youth group at my church.
I WANT TO GO
and meet hot boys
and go out with them
hahaha. ye yeah

GAH
I don't know if I shold go apply at Winners
or wait unilt I come back from camping iwth Branyd.
:(



Sunday night brandy is coming over and she's staying the night
cause' we're leaving in the monring ot go campnig on monday
we're camping by Cambell river
for two night
that means we're coming back on wednesday. :)

OH YEAH
friday (tomorro)
peebee might mightmight be coming over and staying the night
so we can HOPEFULLY watch SHE'S THE MAN cause'
that's what we were going to do last time
but it was all rented out
in ALL THREE movie stores!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what's the deal with that
but but but SHE ALREADY SAW IT
what a loser.
-_-"
I'm so ashamed of her.
golly.
oh well
hopefully she comes over and we'll watch it. nand partty.
and be gangstah.
ye yeah.
hahhaha



JOCE IS COMING BACK NEXT WEEK
or soemthing like that.
yey eyah
I'm excited
she's been gone for far too long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ye she has.
she's written me 3 times
well 4 if you count that half assed e0mail she sent.
hahahahahhaha.
and I wrote her 4 or 5 times in e-mail
of course.
cause' I didn't know where she was staying exactly
cause' she was moving around constantly
ye yeah.


anyways I should go to be now
I'll write more later???????????????????????
aight
payce.