I don't know why I'm so much more confident around men then boys of my age.


It's probably casue' Boiiiz are a lot more judgemental, and in closer relation to me, then men are.

or probably becasue men relate to me more?

I don'tknow.


but I want to get laid,
but not by a 60 year old man,

I wish I had the ability to attract men.

I just want to grab someone, and just be able to do things to them.

That's probably why I want to hang out with Jon.

I want to get more into photography and buy myself a really good camera.



I want to be the best.
werrd

I think it's just a phase that I"m going through right now.
But maybe not.
I feel like I need to be less shy about everything, and stop going for insecure boys.













and married men.

I feel pretty sexually frustrated right now, and that's kind of gross, haha.
I'm never going to get laid, ever.

it's a known fact.

right now I just feel like changing my whole identity, and start new with everything, and just create a new personality, the un-sexually frustrated person that I really am.

-_-"













I'm in love with a 40 something year old man.
it's kind of gross.

and it's not my dad.

i've been feeling really sick all day long
and I've taking tylenol, and advil for it
and I tried drinking lots of water, and eating food
but nothing worked, and it's gone down a bit but i'm still naseasu


I think it's just becasue of bad anxiety problems that I have.
I had to work by myself today with a cook.
and I had to close, and I guess I was freaking out about it, and what not.
And it's probably mixed with my bad anger problems and it just made me sick, and plus the lack of sleep that i got last night?

I don' tknow.

hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.
:)



I want the best for brandy
even though I don't see her as much as I should.
I dont' see anyone as much as I should
and everyone that I don't want to see as much I want to see more so than anyone else.
ti's fucking lame like that.

it's becasue they don't want to see me, which makes me mad and makes me want to see them more.

and the people who wants to see me makes me not want ot see them as much.
---"{

my head hurts like a mad motherfucker!

it's the left side,
and it feels like it's compressing inwards, I want it to stop.

I took a nap to make it go away
I took ibprofen
and i ate a sweet and salty granola bar to make it go away

nothing is working right now.
it feels like it's from today from the braefoot games when all the blood rush to my head.

FUCING GO AWAY.
it hurts.

maery was being an idiot.
I hate how she always thinks whatever she's doing is right and however the person retaliated is wrong.

she shouldn't have even bothered with trying to get the seat in the first place if he's just reading a book.

the time it took her to bug him about it, would have probably been a longer time than if she had jsut gone out and took a chair that was not being used.

And richard isn't the type of person you would want to mess with. But Maery ALWAYS thinks she's all that and that she's fucking tough.

What a fuckign narcissist.

JUST LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE.
if he didn't reply to you the first couple of seconds then leave it, for god's sakes.

and he probably didn't hear you, not everyone's hearing is the same.

I honestly probaby would have tuned out everyone if I was into whatever I was doing. That happens to me alot.

don't be so arrogant.

And dumping the water on his head?! what are you? 5?!?!! what were you thinking?! idiot.
You don't always NEED TO WIN.


as for the threat I admit that was a little overboard.
didn't look like you were as tough as you were.


whatever

I'm kind of sick of being mom
and the go to girl
and then the let's ditch her girl.

fuck everyone, and their problems and not even being able to be here for me.
thanks.

and his favourite actor/actress is julia roberts.

fag.

I think my dad does teh things taht he does becasue he's attracted ot men,

then why else does he tape america's next top model and watch it?


loser.

asshole.

i worked every day this past week except for thursday.

and this week I have no idea how m uch I'm working.

but I know I'm not working this saturday or thursday, cause" I fuckign rock.

I like it at Waveside, but only when ken is not there, cause he just makes everyting so fuckign nerve wrecking, ass hole./ hahaha


oh well
he's not there very often.
and that's ll good with me.