I don't know what to do .

all I want to do is just talk about it, but I don't want to sound like an addict and like I want to do it right now.

But it was just such a funny experience, I wish I had stayed longer at mike's doing something else, instead of being in mike's room for 20 minutes then upstairs for like 10 minutes then walking to lisa's for 30 or so minutes..

oh well we're sleeping over at mike's house on friday, I might do it again, but right now.. I don't think I will.. but I think it'll be different at the time being, because I don't think I could refuse it.. well that and I want to get high with Joe.. werrrrrrrrrrd, but whatevs, only if it's offered to me again.

anyways......


it was pretty awkward at the beginnging of socials with ross and lisa staring at me.. and then graham walked in, which was awkward but I just broke the silence and just talked like usual.

Ross shook his head at me, but it was in a joking way.

then in physics keiran, was pretty awkward, we didn't talk much but that's okay.
But Andrew's like "you know I'll never let that go, right?"


but I don't care.

and I told Ali and she was so shock.. but I told her it was my second time. werrrrrd.



phuck




I just want someone to ask me out right now, I sound so desperate, probably cause' I am.
LOOOOSER.

it's all good.


It's a sad escape from my paterfamilias, and I guess it's a way to find a better male role in my life.

I don't know.. I just want to stop over analyzing EVERYTHING, and just LIVE life.. fuck.

I judst want to be able to do whatever I want without that damn guilty conscience of mine.

ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I guess it happens.


I'm so lame. And I am so inconsolable about nothing. It's stupid and it's just the way I am.
And I guess unless I'm able to figuer a way out to be happy without the comfort of people



and in my capricious ways I'm happy as fuck right now because Graham Henry just added me on msn.