fuck.
fuckfuckfuckfuck.

I just don't know what's bothering me and I FUCKIGN HATE IT WHEN THIS HAPPENS!

I acutally just want to punch someone in the fucking head. Or just get beaten up.

I just want to fight with people.

I'm just angry at the fucking world, because anything people are doing I thinkj they are doing it against me.

I take in only negatives.



I dwell in it.
I like dwelling in it, I like complaining, I love arguing.

But some people can't stand my point of view. Some people want me to agree with them all the time.


When I'm really quiet, that's when people should know that I don't want to talk or just be around them.






that or I'm just having a good time without having to talk.


facial expressions are usually a good indicator if I'm angry or not.

I just can't stand life sometimes, ya know?!

it's liek fuckign manic depression around my menstral cycle.

it's actually insane.


I can't wait to get out of highschool.
I can't wait.

I don't want to be around this. But I am. I just keep thinking that after highschool, a new slate. Start new... but that's not how it is.



that' snot how it's going to be like.
Everything's going to be the fuckign same.

I'm unhappy with life, and until that I learn how to deal with it and learn how to deal with my so-called friends.

And learn how to deal with not taking everything so fuckgin seriously. That's when life is just going to be going up.




I'm unhappy and my family is unhappy right now.



and who can I to blame but me?
I feel liek I'm the cause of the fucking rucus that's happening within this family unit.

My dad's angry cause' I'm a fucking bitch to him, and he's angry cause' he's malnutrition and everything is causing him pain, as much as he would like to admit it or not.

And throuhg that... he's loading it on to my mom which comes back to my brother and I.


I just wish taht I was in a different family sometimes. ...


but even that doesn't really make me feel re-assured that it would be different.

I hate this play pretend family that we have right now.

I'm sick of my dad lying. I hate seeing it and I just want to call him out on it.


But I'm also afraid of the serparation... but at the same time I know it's going to be for the best, and I know that I want it to happen.
The only thing that I'm scared of the financial support for this family if i does separate.



actually, I fucking want my parent to divorce. He's fucking abusing her in other ways than physical.


Psychologically. I just wnat him to accept her for the fucking way she is.



fuck I'm outie.