dude, lately I've been thinking about highschool

I'm just SO EXcITED FOR SCHOOL TO START UP!
because it's My last year!!!!!!!!!!!

it's this really excited yet really anxious feeling for school to end!
it's going to be sad, but it's going to be fucking insane.

I'm hella just letting myself go this year, because it's my lsat year, and I'm not going to see a bunch of these people after I leave, unless I go back to reynolds everyday to visit. -_-"

I want some drunknen mistakes or "baked" mistakes, you know?! I just want to put myself out there. Just to make a name for myself.

But not in THAT way.

God, I just want to get high before school starts up again. I want to experience it fully this time.
Last time was pretty much. Jessica gets high, and has to walk back to lisa's house right away, eat like a whole bag of chips and fall asleep.
god. -_-"

I'm so excited for the Winter formal, getting all dolled up.
haha .

BUt fuck, I want to lose some weight, and/or just tone my body so that it's not just all flabby -_-"

OR get hella lipo, hahaa.


It's sad to see that tiem is passing by so fast! It makes me anxious to think about it, becasue in no time I'll be 20, and that just freaks the hell out of me, because that seems like when I have to buckle down and be an adult.

Though, I know wehn I get to that age I'm not going to know the difference between age 18 or 20.

FUCK, next year I'm going to be 18. Isn't that wack?!

seems like it was just yesturday I was 16.
and/or just a coouple of months ago, but whatever.

It's freaky. BUt I'm stoked for school, hahaha.

PS. NOTE TO SELF, I NEED TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A COUNSELLOR TO FIX MY SCHEDULE!!!!!!!!

CALL TOMORROW!!

God, Grad is going to be so sad. I know I'm going to like bawl my eyes, it's just in my nature. hahah

I really hope this year will be the year Jessica finds herself a date, haha.
Or at least have someone of the opposite sex to bring to the grad dinner dance, or winter formal other than my brother or clint, haha.

-_-"
PATHETIC.
that's waht it is.


I just want to put myself out there. Get myself known for something, and not just "That asian chick who's friends with everyone".

I want to be known for being laid-back, and chill, and just likes to have a good time.
not as some innocent, and like straight-edge.

I want people to offer me a drink, and a smoke. IS IT THAT HARD TO ASK FOR?! hahah

whatevsss. it's all good for now.
UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS AND I HAVN"T GOTTEN HIGH YEEEEEEEEET, geeez.
WELL, there is always New years that I'm counting on.

depending if someone's parents are away or if I wound up at a partayy, hahah.

I don't know how I feel about getting high when I'm with Lisa, because I just feel really guilty.

becasue we're there together, becasue everyone else is getting high and just really messed up and we have each other to talk to and keep each other sane.
But if I get high I would feel bad becasue Lisa would feel like she's really left out, and my conscience can't take that guilt.

it would end up like last time with me appoligizing, a lot.
haha.

She tells me it would be fine if I do it, but I don't really think it would be.

I think she feels the same way about it when Mike does it.

And, I don't know why she hates Mike for doing it because she use to love seeing people get high because it was her entertainment, but ever sicne they're "going out" she like gets mad at him for getting high.

It's expected of him to get high if other people are. I'm not saying he gives into peer pressure or needs to be high to have fun but like it's how they are.

Fuck, I wouldn't mind joining in as well half the time.
Buuuut, again I wouldn't want Lisa getting mad at me.

I just hope I wound up at a party with both joce and lisa so that I would get high with Joce, and Lisa would end up having someone else to hang out with. Like Nicole wannamaker.




I just want to PARTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, and get high. It's not like I'm addicted or anything, but I just want to experience it again but for the fullest this time.

I want to be around other people and not walking back to Lisa's place feeling lieks hit becasue I think I was going to get caught by numerous people.

I want it to have a lasting impression in me.


fuck, I just want to get crunkkkked.

But also, I could get high like RIGHT NOW, if only I just expressed it a little more, and not get so intimidated when people ask me.

I feel like such a noob that time at Mike's becasue it was my first time with a bong.

But yeah, I just don't know how to approach it and I don't want to look EAGER.

I don't want to look clingy, and obsessive, I guess?
I dont' know.
hopefully it'll happen some time in the near future.


payyyce.