so this morning I woke up at 5:40am to get ready for 7:00am when I had to go to Michelle's house to drive her to the airport.

She called me at like 6:30am freaking out abotu how she didn't want to go, how she didn't want to leave everything behind. It was so hard to convince her to go, becasue I didn't want her to go at all. But I do want her to be happy and I knew she would have regreted it if she had stayed here.

It seems like everytime that I get remotely close to someone I lose them somehow. It's like if they don't drop me I'll drop them, I guess that is life, but not to this extent you know? Cuase' it's EVERYONE that i get close to. I hate it sometimes. Especially if they're the ones doing the dropping.. cause' usually if I do it it's me just placing myself further and further away from them, and we're just fine with it, but when they do it to me it's differetn, casue' I get emotionally attach to the person and I'm never ready for them to leave. I always have just let down my shield and they bounce. It sucks that it has to be this way, but it is how it is.
I'm going to miss her so much. and/or I do.

anyways.. I got to her house at 7am and helped her put her suitcase into the car and we left around 7:15-ish.. we got there in half an hour and got some breakfast and chilled and talked for a bit. Then I thoguht I had to get back to scholl by 8:45am for some odd reason. But when I got to school I realized how much of a flail I was.

When I was driving back I was bawling my eyes out.. I don't know why I had gotten THAT upset about it.. it's probably cause' in the back of my mind I think that she's never returning like Momo. I just lost faith? I don't know.

I hope she does return, and I hope she returns within three months. I don't want her to forget me, and I don't want to forget her. She's showed me a whole new lifestyle, and a way to be a good friend in a way she is. She's fucking loyal and she's been what I have been looking for lately. ANd it just really sucks that she has to go.


and right now, I'm TRYING to work on my essay for history, but I'm flailing big time. I just miss my little little michelle. I'm going to miss blazing with her, and hotboxing my car, and her and I only getting what flail ment.

She said that she will call me, and I really hope so will. I really hope we will keep in touch. But I'm afraid that I'm might not be that committed, becasue I'm a flail when it comes to long distance friendship, becasue I"m not on my computer very often anymore, and I don't want to be becasue I get so distracted, and end up going to bed at like 12am every night.. and plus, it keeps me from ACTUALLY doing my homework, like right now for example.

but whatevss.. I talked to pual and he gave me an extension, but I REALLY do want to get this done by tonight, but it doesn't really look that way right now. But hopefully.

if not tomorrow night at the latetest. I just feel liek I"m using him, casue' he did give us the extension and I just feel bad.

fuck.

I just miss michelle.

I'm going to miss her calling me late in the night to tell me the stupidest things, or asking me if I want to go blaze.. when most of the time I don't but do anyways, cause' I like smoking weed.

I don't know how I'm suppose to function during this week.

seriuosly it's fucked up already and it's only the second day.
fuck.


I REALLY have ot finish this essay by tomorrow or else I"m fucked.

thursday I have my LPI exam, and a take-home essay.
Then friday was suppose to be the history test but I'm going to be in Vancouver as with other people, and paul.

but I'm suppose to do my spanish vocab quiz that day as well, and there's suppose to be the PA potluck thing.. fuck

so hectic..

whatever.. it is how it is, right?

why can't I just rant like this on my essays and just getter done?!

fuck this..


I just feel like crying, and not going to school for the rest of the week.

I just don't want to deal with everything.

there's just so much.

I STILL need to do my healthy living plan.
make a transition plan
apply for scholarships
do 80 hours of physical activity.

fuck..

AND I have to register for the english 12 provinicial.
I've decided that I need to re-do it.

I did REALLY bad. -_-"