so apparently, a lot of people's weekend were horrible.

Jake and Kailie went through hell, she was pregnant, and she just had an abortion.
and brandy's grandmother had just died.


I just wished that I hadn't got into a car accident.

I cried at school again today. I was fine, until Phoebe was like "I talked to my mom about it and she said that you should just keep driving or else if you're apart from it you'll just get even more scared"

and it's so true, because I"m freaking out about driving still.

I definitely can't drive after what had happened.

fuck, I just want to be comforted in a way that I need to be comforted. I need to be told what had happened, and just cry in someone's arms... aka gerry's? hahaha... fuck.


I'm such a loser, but it's so true I need comfort from a guy. and not my dad, cause' that's just freaky.


I just want to be swept away, I just want something to go my way for once. I just want someone who cares about me, even though my friends do, but it would never be the same as a boyfriend.

gerry, is such a man? hahah I don'tknow.. I'm just such a little girl. fuck.

I've kind of eased up a bit, I guess.

went to go see my car today at the towing place.

it's in shambles, and I have pictures uploaded on my facebook. and even a movie clip.

so totem towing didn't have my purse and the guy there was very kind, and tried to get in contact with anyone that he could (SPD, and his tow guy) to try to get my purse back..


so no one knew where it was, and then my parents drove back to where the accident had happened. so my brother and I got out of my car and walked along the highway.
At first we found my one hubcap that had fallen off, then we walked farther up and there was my purse in the mud.

I was PISSSSSSSSSED, becasue you would think that the police would have the decency to pick up my purse from the mud, after saying "you don't need to be here for the towing, everything will be taken care of."


so I've been at home lately, and crying for 3 days.


sweet deal, eh?

I'm such a girl. But the upside was... I talked to Gerry last night. I just thanked him for everything he had done that night. And just joked around for a bit.

god, I'm such an obsessive little girl with a big elementary crush on a guy who's 4 years older than me.

seriously.

fuck, I love Gerry. I'm so glad that he was there last night.

I think I was still in shock this morning, and was still crying..

if I don't think about it then I just don't cry about it as much, but when I do.. I fucking bawl my eyes out.


Fuck I'm such a creeper, I can't believe I have Gerry added on facebook, from the cops.

I feel so embarassed about last night still. I was such an idiot.

fuck, I don't know where my purse is right now! I called the police station and they don't have it, and I called the towing company and they say that they don't usually pick up things like that. SO fuck.


I just want to see the car right now, and I just want everything back to the way it was.


I want my car, and I want my dignity.

I want to re-do that whole night.

because it was such a good day. And if so many things had gone differently that could have been avoided.

I blame myself for being so reckless.

But fuck, I ruined myself. I really did.

I don't know, I feel like such an idiot. I really do. I feel like I had lost everything in that car.

but hopefully not. I really hope the towing place didn't steal anything. AND I really wish taht my parents weren't such assholes about shit that like. They're so fucking pessimistic, fucking have some trust in peopole.. fuck. I REALLY HOPE THEY DIDN'T STEAL MY SHIT.


fuck... I really wish that night hadn't happened.. I feel so stupid, and embarassed. But only cause' gerry was there.

fuckkkk I'm an idiot.

seriously.

I can't even believe it happened. Seriously I can't. I just want to be angry at myself. I just want to be with Gerry.


it's funny how fast I get over people, like Ross.

seriuoslly. There's gotta be something wrong with me.

so tonight I crashed my paretn's car. and I FELT SOOOOOO BAD!
fuck I felt like such an idiot!


I feel like I was trying to show off to gerry, and then it got us into that situation, but I don't even remmeber...


I was driving kelsey to ryan's house along the highway, and gerry was right beside, then he passes me, and all of a sudden I lost control and I swerved to the left, but there was a thing in the middle diving up the streets, and so I swerved back to the right becasue I didn't want ot hit it and I was so scared that there was another car behind me and then he slid and rolled over into a ditch, I must have grabbed m y head or something cause' I didn't hit my head, and the car flipped onto my side.


I was driving kelsey and maggie, both of them hit their heads, and have bumps.


I'm pretty sure I blacked out for like 30 second or so, then I woke up and immediately I was so scared that I had hurt them , THEN I thought "how am I going to get out of this" because I was upside down in a car on the side of the road. still strapped to my seatbelts.


then when I released myself we saw gerry, then I thought "WHERE ARE MY KEYS" becasue they were gone and the car was still going, and I was freaking out becasue I thought that the car was going to explode, and I was in shock, it was the worst thing that has happend to me yet.


eventually I found my keys, and gerry was trying to get us to open the door, but then it was stuck, so he opened it for us.


then we climbed out and there was a bunch of other people there too, and they were asking us if we were okay.

but I felt so embarassed, and so juevenille, becasue it must have looked like I was trying to show off to Gerry, which I don't even think I was, I think I was starting to slow down because he had passed me, and I couldn't see my lane, and mist was coming at me, making it hard for me to seee that road..

so the police, fire dept, and amublance showed up and asked me questions, and got my information..

I'm fine, and I was jus ttrying to stay calm, but I FELT SO BAD, I apologized like mad.


fuck.. it was like something out of the movies. ANd it was totally just another statistic "NEW DRIVER ENDED UP IN DITCH AFTER LOSING CONTROL".

but luckily I wasn't drunk o rhigh..


buuuut, I don't have any I D right now becasue it was stuck under the car,

and I REALLY hope that my camera is okay..

and ffuck, I left my pipe in my bag as well...

I'm just really scared that they're going to charge me for something, and I'm just FREAKING OUT, I hope they don't go searching through my bag.


fuck, anyways, after taht we walked to gerry's car and he drove us to the hostpital.

he's such a good guy, and I"m SOO glad that he was there, it is was anyone else it would have been sketched.


the outcome of it was that I found hiim on facebook, hahah I'm fuck a creeper.


but yeah, I most definitely cried my eyes out. I was just so sad that it had happened to me. I have SUCH BAD LUCK! seriuosly. people kept telling me that it wasn't my fault, but I felt like it was, and I felt like I was such an idiot.


I don't even think that I was going very fast.

my left side is starting to hurt, and my head.

and my arm is aching as well


and on top of all of this... I have a english 12 provinicial tomorrow morning..

I don't even know if I want to re-do it, cause' I don't feel like going anywhere tomorrow, except to the clinic.


everything happened so fast, and it just slowed down when it happened.

\

and I was sketching out becasue I am 17 and I was driving more than one person, so I'm freaking out about my insurance..


half of my paycheck will go to my parents.

when I got home all they really cared about was the car.
I got really annoyed with my dad becasue he just kept asking me questions about it, and he just didn't know when to stop.

so I freaked out, because I was crying as it is, and I was so stressed, and he didn't help.


FUCK, I'm freaking out about the provincial tomorrow.


I REALLY hope I get better than 65% on it, or whatever I had gotten on it. fuckk


I really hope this shit wont ever happen again!

I can never drive in snow or ice ever again...