I want big luciuos hair, and looooooong.

and a nice dye job.

I want ot put on my dress,, and I hope that it'll fit. :) I'm going to do that now. :)

sooo

I want to just skip school, and go on a frickin' road trip

or just chill out by the beach.

I want to get my tan on, and get my blaze on.


I WANT TO GET DOLLED UP.
I want my extensions.

I want to get in my grad dress
I want to be in shape, and look half decent half naked, haha.

I want to get my party on with my party people.

I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

it's going to b frickin' dopppe.

I hope everything goes according to plan.

ANND, last night I just decided what I want for my next hair dye jobbbbbb.

I want it to be chunky red, platinum, and black all over, and with my hair long... :)

soooooooo. i went to vancouver yesturday, with michelle courtney, and alyssa. it wasa lot of fun, adn I was prety baked most of the time.



i spent almost 200 dollars.


I'm watching CSI: LV right now
and it's freaking me out- hard core.

you guessed it.. it's oe honesty thannngssss cause' i'm cool.



joe mac- i can't really decided whether you're just full of yourself or just borderline annoying? It just seems like I can never have a nrmal conversation with you.. so I just end up ignoring you and being a total cunt towards you.

peter- you're cool, but indecisive and forgetful?

joe wit- you are fullof yourself. You think you're the fucking shit sometimes. I hate how you think that you're much older than you really are. And when you "help" me with my problems, it never really is helping, cause' you're just so stuck i your advice that you won't let go. I love that you're full of your opinions, and I love how we can just fight and just get over it right there and then. But there's just too much ego and not enough class?...

nick fletch- cut your hair. You're full of yourself as well. You are a cunt and a fucking dyke.

Lucas philips- same as above.

Kerry- I can\t really decide if you're using me for haircuts or not. I try to talk to you at school.... kind of but not really... but it jut seems like you're annoyed with me... or that could be me just being a total paranoid android. But then sometimes you're too cool.

phoebe- too much ego. we get that simon is your fucking boyfriend, so stop saying that he's your boyfriend. Also, when he's not around yo act as if you want to dmp him or you're really annoyed with him. justget it over with. And also, stop getting annoyed that he's not taking the initiative, why don't you do something about it.

daniel- you take things way too seriously. chill the fuck out. no need to getso worked up about the stupidest things.

sam dodd- you are definitely getting in to my good books.

marcela- stop getting so jealous of everything.

maery - stop gettng so annoyed that we forget everything, or take a ridiculous amount of time to do anything. You should learn that by now, and learn to respect te fact that we don't want to have to appease you every single time that you ask us o hang out.

famly- can you at least have my back for something. can you try to at least be a bit mre supportive. you make me wanna smoke all day long.

michelle- you've taught me so much. You've taught me to be more responsible, and to be a bit more independent. You taught that if there is a problem I should deal with it right away. I'm going to miss you so much when you're gone. You are just what I needed in a best friend pretty much. You always call me, and ask me to hang out. You know that I love you. Even though, we make each other pretty broke when we hang out. but this year, has definitely been one of the best years of my life and it's all thanks to you. You just care so much, and you just wnt to be treated back the same way. I love that.

Renee- tough love is your middle name.

sonya- you're a fucking cunt.

lisa- you got what you deserved, shit blows up in our face when you talk shit abot other people. You put up such a big front, and you're the most fake person i've ever met in my life. You're so two-faced it's way past my comphrehension. And, the fact that you try to act like nothing matters to you, show some fucking emotions. You are selfish and that's that..

Joce- I miss the old you.

Paul- honestly, i don't miss you. don't really care. You were an ass to me, and I was a fucking cunt to you. We've had our moments, but not enough to make me iss you. I was obviuosly never one of your favourite students, and you were not my favourie teacher. We are at a neutral stand point, and that's all tat I could ask for.

kayla q- we've gottne tighter since i came back to winners, and hanging out with kelsey and such.

this keyboard sucks. it doesn't go fast enough. and t weird.

i love myself today, not like yesturday...

anthony gavin- get your own fucking style. You're getting to be fucking gross... straightening your hair?! WTFTFTFTFTFTFFTF??? can you BE any more like Nick fletcher? I liked you best when you had your own style going instead of this scene try hard wannabe style that you got going on.

jordan ray- full of shit and full of self.

kyle garvey- i don't know whether to love you sometimes or just punch yo in the face.



all i want is weeeeeeeed.

so i decide that I want an elephant and flamingo tattoo... each on either side of me.

feels good,
wis i had more though

i wish I had one special talent
cutting hair, just doesn't seem to cut it (no pun intended)

I wish I was chilling at someone's house right now

I wish I had a boyfriend to snuggleup with
i need to cuddle
and i need to get my mine off food

i feel the need to throw up everythng i eat, even though i never actually follow through with it.

i wish i hgad my own home gym
or gym like equipments, like a treadmill, step thiang, weights, and such.

i want to try the rolling pin thing that cvhristina was talking about.

i just need a rolling pin.

i want to go on a drive.
and just cruise around and just chill an talk.


aftert work. i went to michelle's to deliever her her posterboard that is her project.

so i got there and rang the doorbell, and her dad answers
and he sketches me ou, like he seems to be really strict

but today was the nicest he has ever been./

he opens the door and was like "come in come in" and then he was like be careful when i like barely knew howto take off my sheos, haha. \

and then there were toy guns on the stairs and a sword against the walls, "don't worrty those are only toys they're not realy", was what he said
it was frickin' hilarious.

so i ened up staying there for an hour and half.

damnm i wish i had some ice cream

we ended up talking about some stuff
and then we went kind ofdeep
and it was so good

lik i ahd told her stuff taht IO had never EVER told anyone about before.


klike the reason i hate my dad.

i wanna go tanning. i miss the sun.

\i really wanna tan my legs. like harrrrrrrrd core.


i wanna make em' look sexyyyyyy.
\hah.

fuck, i wanna get laid. fuck


fuck, i just wnat o sit doewn with aguy and be like, whjy don't gjuys like me, what can i change about me


but i dokn want the answer to be caus'e i'm fat.

that'll definitely break my hearrt.

wow i really can't type right now.

fuck/
hahah
or use th enter buttonm
fuck
ghah\
h asjkhsdf;
oh my god, \
i'm kind of fucked
i'nm getting sick of the slash button that keeps happening whern i press the enter button
hah
\
frick
i wisht that i could publish a book, and
make ti a best seller\
rick


ik want pudding \

i wisht aht michelle wasnh't moving away
i wish that every time it seems like something positive is about to change andf i' coming close to being happy,
\
someone out there takes it away
fuck


i have bad luck.

right now i'm printing out mine and michelle's resumes
we're going job hunting tomorrow after school, and we're going to the med grill

i can't wait until i get my fucking extensinos

i also need to look for shoes.

and acessories for my dress.

fuck, i'm going to smoke a bowl.

so I've defintiely gained some major weight.
and am getting hella stupid.


I need to STOP eating so friggin' much. :(




fuuuuuck, I want to find a date to grad :(

I suck at being a person.

I really do.

I just want to get high right now, and I havn't even felt like this since like a month and a bit ago.

I want to be like courtney. She's frickin' hot, and just knows herself so well.
but i dont' know.

there's plenty of people that I wishI could be.
i know that that's not how i'm suppose to be thinking like, but fuck that.


I hate myself.

I hate the way i look.

i hate how I'm just pathetic.
I'm all fucking talk.

all talk.

fuck this.

I just want to kick some fucking ass.\

I need to know who i am, in order to get someone i guess I don't know.

i sound fucking pathetic.


but that's because I am pathetic.

I don't llike showing my true self i guess cause' that's what it is..

fucking pathetic./

I wish I could just tell someone this.

I wish that I copuld just fucjking talk to someone.

I just need advice and motivation.
\
i really need to lose weight.;

or else I'm not going to fit my dress.

:(


I have a hair consultation for my extensions on tuesday at 3:30pm.



I want to move out.

but i dono't want to fditch my mom or my brother.


i just want to be fucking happy with myself, fuck.

I want to be thinner.
I want to be toned,. i want to get some fucking self esteem.

I want to look good and feel goood.

I want to be able to go forf runs without thinking that eveyone is making fun of me sayin "look at that fat girl run"


I wish taht I was comfortable with myself.
\
\but I'm fuckign disgusting, I'm a fucking pig.


fuck kkkkkkkkk me.
fuck./

I let ever guy go that I like.
but that's becasue they never know.

fuck me./

shit.

i'm a waste of flesh. \
i want to go on a diet,
i want to go on a run
i want to be able to cimb a mountain without having to stop and take a breather.
i'm fucking pathetic.


i really am.
iu'm unhealthy and unfit.

fuck.



i hate the fact ath I can't get a guy,
but I do'nt want to throw myself at guys

i don't want to ditsy
I want to get guys likethat

but then I ALWAYS end up being one of the guys instead of being the centre of their attention

fuck that


fuck.

so, i never ended up cutting kerry's hair, because I think that he forgot?

it' like those guys just take me for granted. it's like they just think that I'm a fucking rock, and have no fucking emotions.

its like they just treat me like a sister, and just fucking use me.

it doesn't phase them at all.

it's like they don't realize that I"m a girl, and I do gtet upset over the smallest things...

it's like seriuosly... fuck them.


fuck them.


and fuck me for alwasy trying to be so fucking nice.


I need to have a fucking back bone, and stop trying to kiss fucking ass.



i need to learn that it's oaky to say no
and it's okay to be hated.


i just don't have the self esteem to be hated, that's the only thing stopping me from being the biggest fucking bitch.


fuuuuuuuck shit.

so, i'm going to try and make this quick seeing that i only have 8% left before it dies.

i got back from the band trip 3 or 4 days ago depending if you count the 12:25am as a seperate day or not.
it was aight, just too much drama and being sick and not really doing much.

so all in all it was an easy let down to no more band trips.
all though we do have the whislter trip left, which i hope will be hella dope.

rayanne had a party at her house on saturday, but i didn't go. i went to joce's instead and that was dope. we watched the kite runner, i cried, but it wasn\t intense sobbing or anything, just continual tear drops here and there. it didn't even feel like iw as crying, i don't know. but daniel was crying, haha.


friday night, when i got back fromt eh band trip, i gave my brotehr his gifts, then i went to joce's.
maery and phoebe were there, and we hiot boxed joce's bathroom, that was tight.
we put on the shower to heat it up, and it was so foggy, and i took some pictures, haha.
joce got a rash on her arm and she claimed that it looked like the continents, i'll have to see the pictures again to know for sure.


that was probably the most baked i have ever been.... or maybe not? i don't know. hahah

but yesturday (sunday|) i got the 24 hour flu, and that wasn't at all.

I slept over at joce's the night before, and i left around 1:30 or so becasue i wasn't feeling well and they were going to go on a walk (maery and joce) and i decided to stop by winners first to visit them peeps and to see when i work next.

so i stayed there for a while, and found out that gerry had quit, and wrote an angry letter to headquarters complainign about the company, and non-sense, haha.
and apparently he had written tiffany a personal letter. hah!
I'm definitely over him.


fuck, but I'm not over ross. I don't know, there's just something about him. He's just so funny, and he just seem different when he's around me? haha IDK.. i feel like he likes me back, and it's just one big circle, and it's fricking ridiculous.
but whatevs, we'll see where things go?
fuck.

anyways, today
still feeling a bit ill.

oh yeah, i was really sick on the band trip. The cruise was frickin' am,azing, and i loved the weather, I think that was the only time that I've ever loved the sun as much as i did. I just layed tehre and fucking soaked it up. So i got a gnarly tan going on.

Oh yeah, on saturday night Joe McDougall asked me to cut his hair somedday. And I felt so honoured. fuck..
:)

and sortel? (i forgot her name) she was surprised when i told her that I did my own hair, and she wants to pay me to do her hair for her some day, and I felt frickin' happy. (this happened on sunday when i visited winners)

anyways, back to today.
OPH YEAH, phoebe and simon are dating now, since a week ago?
and joe m is working at utopia.

anyways.

today

simon pulls me aside and asks me if I could do him a favour, and i was thinking " what could it possibly be??"

so I was like "depends on wht it is"
him: "could you help me pick out a suit for grad"
me : "HELLS YES! most defintiely"
him: "than-you, \I thoguht that it would be about time, since I've been putting it off, and it's coming up really soon"
me: "yeah"
so i'm hel;ping him pick out a suit tomorrow/today.

and at the end he said "make sure it matches that brown colour"

and that was cuute... becasue the brown colour is phoebe's dress.


and then later on in the day, when i was walking to art class

i saw that kery was walkign towards me, and I kind of (but not really) made eye contacts with him.
and then he walked towards me, which kind of freaked me out a bit.

and then he was like "hey can i bribe you for another haircut?"

me: *blushing- kind of* "yeah, deifintely"
himn: "well, i kind of need it soon because |I'm leaving on wednesday for aseattle" \
me: "yeah, me too./.. well, i'm free anytime.. i dont' have a life"


so all in all i'm cutting his hair tomorrow/today after school.

no worries i had not completely forgotten about simon's suit fitting. he has accordian lessons until 5:15 or saomething like that, and i'll be done cutting kerry's hjair by then, so no worries.

:)

anyways, it'd way past my bed time, and i have a comp civ test.


oh yeah, i also got a copy of the test.. :|

i snooped throuhg paul's stuff on his computer, and found myself a copy, asnd i feel pretty dirty about it, but not at the same time.


i don't know.. anwyays, later days!!!
byyye