oh my god.
best day/night of my life on saturday!
GRAD 08 is most defintieyl memorable.

i'm not disappointed that I didn't go to the other one, cause' the one at Bryanda's was so good, without half the skanking around and coked out fights. acutally without all of that.

richard was really drunk, and I was really baked.. and we ended up cuddling on the couch.
then richard left, and kevin chow tried to cuddle and that was hella awks, ahhaa. cause' he was really drunk and it's just weird seeing him like that. hahah.


well, i sat on the couch arm before and we talked and he was starting to get drunk.. then at 4:30am we went to the beach with joce, nicole r, haley, kim and jesse, some kid name zac, and k chow.

annd when we got out the door richard like bear hugged me, and then we walked to the beach and the whole time he had his arms around me,and i had my arms around him, and we were pretty much just supporting each other, and the whole time he was like "do you think I can make it home?" and i was like "no, you'll get lost"

buut apparently the night before he got really drunk and walked home in pretty mucht he same state that he was in.

annd yeah.

and pretty much the whole time he was just like "you're supporting me cause' I can't walk straight"

yeaaah, we both culdn't walk straight, ahha.

so when we got to the beach, and walk down the flight of stairs, there was this puddle there, and he was like lets jump it.. and i was like "i'm pretty sure that we can just leap over"
and he was just really adament about jumping over it, so I was like hold on let me roll up my pants
and he was like aight,

then I just stepped over it, haha.
and I was like "just step over it"
him: "no i'm going to jump"
so I just gave him my hand and he basicallly just walked over it, hahah.

i wish I had brought my camera with me, cause' what had happened after that was just fucking made my life.


so the bunch of hem gathered around this log that was smoking, and was ashing.

and I was on a log and he was on the gravel/rocks.
and he was like come here Jess.

annd I jus grabbed him and brought him close and just held, him, hahahahahha. oh god.

so his head was bascially at my boobs, haha.

then everyone just broke an went there ways on the beach. Nicole ad Joce were togehter, Jesse C. and Kim N. were together, hayley, zac, and k chow were together.

And richard and I were togehter.

We stayed at the asking log and looked at it, and I was like "it's going to burn down the forrest" and him "there's no forrest, it's a bush"
me: "it's going to burn down the bush"

him: "eh. let's just sit down... where do you want to sit?"
me: "i don't care.. shotty not choosing"
him: "okay then *points at a random log*"

so I just sat down... and then he put his arm around me.. and then I put my head on his shoulder..

and we were just talking about things tat I don't really remember..

though I do remember talking something about joce and then looking at her.. and then she was looking back with nicole.. and I just knew that they were talking about us.

annd.. my head was so close to his cheek, and I was just gazing into his eyes, hahahah. oh god.

yeaaaah. it was like hopeless romantic much, hahaha.

annd then at some point I started squeezing his arm, nd then he held my hand.. and it happened again.

and yeah.. basically for like an hour and half i had my head on his shoulder and he had his head on mine..

annnd then K. Chow third wheeled it when hayley left to go pee annd when zac kid went back to bryanda's.

io fucking loved that moment! and wish that it had lasted longer, and wished that we were going out, and wish that it was just us? I don't know..

but it fuckin made my life.
liike that defintiely topped it.

but obviuosly I'm not like "OMG he likes me.. h really likes me.. "
like I'm not stupid.. I know that he was drunk, and I was pretty much in control of the reality of it.

but it was just really nice to finally have a guy who I can just cuddle with. It was fucking nice.

and yeah.. like at some times I felt lkike I was being clingy and such.. but he would always put his arms around me when we were walking and what not.. so it was both.

buut he's probably just a really cuddly drunk.


oh yeah.. I rememberthe whole time that we were on th beach I was like "richard you smell like beer"
him:"aww jess i can't be smelling like beer when I go home"
\and at random points he would try to get me to smell his breath for beer smell.. haha

it was fucing amazing, and I wish that we are going out. fo reals.
but yeah. -_-"

when we were walking back.. we were holding each.. again. then he would be like hug walking.. hahaha. yeah.
annd he thoguht he was supporting me the whole way, but then he would like tip over and was like nope i guess you're supporting me jess. it was fuckign cute and I fucking wis that it lasted longer.


I wish that i was good with getting guys. but I" not. becasue I always feel like I know that they only like me as a friend, ooor that i'm just one of the guys.

yeah.