so saturday i went to dylan's house party wiht lisa.
marcus and ross were there and marcus kept trying to hook up with lisa and i.
he was defintiely all over us.
it was gross.
i asked him "why are you trying to hook up with everyone?"
his response "cause' i'm horny"

fucing nasty.
nasty fuck.

and ross was being a bitch. but he apologized the next day and invited me to go mini golfing with him and ADB.

sunday- Myles came and picked up lexie for a bit.
the i went and I helped out with jen's photshoot it was really simple and the wind made it so that I didn't do anything to ali's hair.

after that I called up Amy and we chillled it out. And got really baked at Glanford. Before that shananigans happened we walked down to Mac's to get stocked up on munchies.

monday- yesturday, i went to the beach with joce, kyle, and phoebe. gonzales, that is. Then simon maery and jesse gray came and met up with us.

At 7pm i met u with Kay Quan and took lexie down to the beacon hill drive in, and we grabbed some dinner and walked over to the field across the road and let lexie run around.
that little girl is FRICKING HYPER>

oh yeah BY THE WAY, my family and i are looking after alyssa's dog- lexie- for a month.

today (tuesday) - I did noting all day. Sat at home and chilled. it was raining and thunder.
was suppose to do the second part of te photoshoot.. but because of weather that didn't happen.

tomorrow- I'm shopping wih Christina for a bit.. then picking up some ganj from dillhole. THen we're getting really baked. hah.
i'm suppose to help out with the shoot.. but fuck that.

i just want to cuddle with someone right now.

just feel warmth, and just not be so fucing alne all the time.

so that I don't have to feel like I can't talk to anyone.
so that i do hve someone



I guess what I really need mre than anything is a best frien.d
i don't get it

I think i'm going ot telll richard that I like him, the next time i get some alone time with him.
i really don't care what the outcomes are going to be like.
i'm sick of beingsuch a pussy.

i'm sick of all these what ifs, i just need to know.
and i just need to tell him.

I don't care if he backs away. It's better for me, if he knew. And if he did back away.. so be it...

i'm sick of flakes
and people only calling me t ask me for shit.

fuck you and fuck that.




fuck.

I want to get away. I want to go camping with randoms again. I want to go traveling and be happy and free, and I really wish that I was't going to school next year

this is fucked.

I just want to work next year.
I have a feeling that I might become a college drp out.

but really, I don't cdare.
I just want to move out and be free.
be independent.
be out

i go back and forth between not liking them to liking them. i don't get it.

but what i do know is that I need to get in shape.

friiiiick,
i'm pathetic.

got home today from a camp trip. it was overall really fun.
i was reall baked.
last night was teh most high i've ever been because ezra put soooooo much hash into his pipe. it was frickin intense.

i really wanted to make out with someone bt that didn't really happen, at all.


i smell like camp fire.
iwant to go campng for the rest of the summer, the only thing that scks about it is communal showers.
annnd outhouses.



i jus want to get baked annnd mack outttttt

and cuddle.

friccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. i just want to hangout with ross right now.
i just want to yeahhh, hahah.,
fuck i'm pathetic.

but most defintiely some sweet bonding times with mike and chris.
we went down to the beach for some sweet ass bonfires, an met some chill peeps.
it was kind of awkward though.

but wahtever.
we had fun.

they were so drunk pretty much every day. rossy had a bit too much to drink last night and puked every where, i wanted to make a move on him last night but heeeeeee pukey.

you think that i'm so much more than i'm not.
i'm nothing more than just an illusion to your allusion to something more.