i want to start a new life, i want to be a new me.

i want to give up everything that i have to justify my choics, to be finally true to myself.

it's usually hard letting go of things or people taht have been so grounded in your life. But none of which have impacted me, or have left apparent imprints. none of which, would leave me in a pit of despair. None of which would leave me sad and depressed.

I'm done being the lonely little loaf that I have been for the past while now, I need to stand my ground, and just be me.

but why am I still feeling like shit? Why has by reading their letters brougt me to tears?

is it because of some realization that has not occured to me?

I want to be heard, and I want to go out with a bang. I'm done, and I just don't know what to do now. I still feel stuck, I still feel like I'm spinning in circles. But I feel a slight onward movement from where I was a week ago. I feel like I have the confidence to stand up for me, to think about me for once. But I just feel like I'm doing this in the utmost disgusting way possible. I feel lik there's no chance given, but that's how I want it to be. It appeases me.

I'm done with being unhappy, but what now? there's no fireworks, there's no congratulation ceremony, there's nothing. It's just me and me. But i do feel lighter, but I know there's always something ther.

I know that this can be resolved until it's over, o unti lI'm genuinely happy.

I don't want to make this into one big deal, or have them be like "are you okay? are you okay? are you okay?" it's just like, leave me alone.

I don't know, I'm high fucking maintenence. I want this to be final, i want them to uindestand how it feel slike to be dropped. To feel like they're not needed, I need to know that they're going through waht i'm going throuh. I need to know that this is killing them. It's sad how I'm feeling more content because of thoughts like these. I'm twisted.

All good times were past times. I'm sick of appeasing people, or have others appease others for the sake of not hruting feelings.


I'm done with hanging out in groups, I'm done with trying to pretend somehting. I'm done with being unsatisfied. I'm done. I want to be out, I want to go, I want to be.

it just is the way it is.

i know blazing all the time is bad, but I don't do it vry much anymore. I know smoking is bad, but whatever it makes me content, it's puttng my anger somewher else. I know that being angry is not healthy, but there's no obvious solution for that.

I don't want a fight,i want a mutual agreement.

Im' done with being the mother figure at home, and I'm done being mothered outside of my home.

I'm done with assumptions, and I"m done with being so stressed all the time.

I'm done with being unhappy. I'm done. I'm so done.


I'm sorry that I AM pathetic, I'm sorry that I have become dumb, I'm sorry that I don't want to try anymore. I'm sorry that I hve given up on you all, I'm sory that I was the best friend that you will ever have. I'm sorry that I can't express myself to you all. I'm sorry that i'm such a fool as to believe that you guys would do the same for me.

I'm done with dealing with people who only think about themselves.