so i got my nose pierced agin yesturday.
kylie and I skipped marketing to go get it done, haha.

we have officially fired gurvina today. We wont admit it, but I have become the leader, sort of.

I'm always the bearer of bad news, and I seem to b the go-to girl for things.

I'm always stuck being the editor and what not, and yeeeeeeah.

I had my most major breakdown yet on monday. usually in time like that I just want to be at home and alone, and typing away to a blog, but that day i just needed someone to talk to, and to finally let it all out.

I have not been happy for the past month, and probabyl even before that.

I'm very unhappy at the stage that I am in right now. I hate school, and I hate having to stya up late working on homework. I hate not getting some relax time, and i hate how much effort i have to put in something that i dont' like.

Last week, i stayed up until around 3am every night. becasue I was trying to work on the group skills CD project that was due last friday, but because of software, computer, and camera issues we couldn't get it dne on time. So we asked Troy for an extensions at first he was okay, and then we asked him again to confirm it and he seemed a bit agigtated. But then monday rolls around and he's all comforting and a-okay with the situation.

after that class, as I was driving home, I just realized how not okay I am with things. I just felt this sudden loneliness. So i started calling people, but no one picked up, and I ended up pullingo ver on to the side of the road to have a moment, aka cry fest in my car.

just as I was pulling away michelle calls me back, and I ended up meeting up with her. We went to fujiya to get dinner, and on the way there I was like bawling out my eyes, and telling her everything that has been going wrong lately, and fron previuos months. things that has been bottling up within.

we then went to mt tolmie, ad her and I had a big dicussion about her boyfriend, and I most definitely felt like DR Phil.


they were the most intense conversations I had ever had.

and needless to say, they were the best advise i had ever given someone.


I mainly felt like I had no time to do evrything, and eveything and anything that was adding on to what i have to do was just get really overwhelming.

I had lived off of energy drinks for last week. I pretty muhc had one a day and sometimes even two.

i also felt pretty underapprecitate, but that, I had been feeling for a while now.

Michelle and I spent like 3 hours jsut straight talking, and trying to figure things out.

I love giving advise, but for once I would like to hear some as well, but with my situation the only thing that woul solve it would be me moving away.

I'm done with Victoria, and I'm unhappy. I don't have anything to look forward to each day, except for another chore, but that is not so much of a reason, but more so a have to.

There's this guy in my english class, his name is jesse, and I want to get to know him. hahahaha. i'm fucking lame.

i don't know what it is about him. He seems like sucha bad ass, but he's like super english dude, and I'm so intimidated by him, but he also seems a bit gay, so i dont'know.

He's pretty blunt, but also sarcastic. That's what I like in a man, haha. or a part femme-man?

i had an accouting quiz today, and I think i bombed it mad-core.


anyways, monday night I slpt over at devon's cause' she was leaving the next day.

phebe, joce, maery and i met at joces an then migrated over. Phoebe rode in my car, and i can't remember who had intiated the conversation, but I jsut ended up bawling again. We sat outside of Devon's house and we just talked slash I did all of the talking, and I think she was pretty shocked? or just stunned.

I don't think she has ever seen me cry that hard before.

i basically told her everything that i had told michelle. And I basically said that that group of friends was kind of the cause of my problems-ish, but not really. it was subtle.

yeah so it was a cryfest yet again.



the next day (yesturday) devon left. ican't even believe that she is gone. it's just weird. I miss her.


i went to school looking like complete shit. my eyes were all swollen and red, and nasty.
and I didn't have any make-up on, and i hadn't shower. so i was basically on my a-game.

this past saturday, was devo's good-bye party. i was baked as fucckkkk.

so , i've basically stopped blazing, but have started smoking, haha.

I know i'm being pretty destructive to my body, and I need to start getting some exercise.

buuuuuuut school has prevented me from doing so. or at least that's my excuse for now.


foooooooooooookkkkkk