this weekend has been one of the best i've had in a long while.

friday night, it was joce and richard's combine birthday thing at Nick Fletcher's house. It was kind of weird..but I was hella baked, soooo it was ALLL good. yeah know?

Michelle, Dexter, kayla and I went out for dinner first at El Greco's.. an when we were waiting for our food, we asked if we could go outside for a smoke, and we ended up hot boxing michelle's car in the parking of the restaurant, haha. annd before we went to El Greco,i was with Kayla and I rolled up a tiny joint an smoked it at Northridge, while kayla sat in the car. haha.

sooo I drove over to Nick's house, and met jocelyne outside and I told her that I was hella baked, and yeaaaaah. But then people igured out at Nick's anyways that I was baked, it's not that hard cause' my eyes are DEAD give aways.

they started to drink, and I ad called up jesse to hook michelle up with an 8th. So I left nick's to go to jesse's. but i old everyone that I had to go home early so that I could go for my blood test the next day. haha

anyways, I go tot jesse's and he's like yeah my friend will be here in a bit with your friend's weed.

but then a while came by, and his friend still isn't here. so he calls him up, and turns out that buddy isn't going to show up after all, so i call up michelle and gave her the news, she didn't really care cause' she didn't really want to get it afterall.


so jesse's like "do you have any more of that weed left?"
and so we rolled up a joint, and smoked it in his room.

then we watched tv for a while.


he then burnt out and passed out on his bed.

I was starting to burnt out like mad.. so it was like 1am and I got up and tried ot wake him up
i was like "yooooo.. YOOOO, Yooo"

and then finaly he wakes up, haha.

me: "yoo, i'm heading off now."
him: "oh okay"
so I start walking to the door and he's likke
"wiat what you're leaving?"

me: "yeahh, i'm passing out"
him: "so then pass out"

i looked at him, and sat back down on the chair, haha.

so he passed out again, and I passed out. His chair was so uncomfortable, it was one of those foldable beach chair, and so it was killing my neck, and i was not having a good night sleep. annd I woke up at 4:30am, being like FUUUUUUCCCCCCCk, haha cause' I couldn't sleep like that any longer.

but then he woke up, and he's like "yooo what's up with you sleeping in that chair"
me: "i don't know.."

him: "come sleep in my bed"
then he pulls off my jacket that I had thrown over me, then he grabs my arm and pulls me on to his bed, but he asked me to turn off the light before I got in to bed with him.

and we then passed out.

in the morning, i woke up to him kicking me or kneeing me in my bum, haha and him apologizing. but i didn't say anything.


I also REALLLLLLY had to pee, haha. but I didn't want to get up, but eventually i couldn't hold it in any longer, and I couldn't stop thinking about it which made it worst. Soooooooo i got up and went pee. When i got back we just laid there. and we talked and he put on some Ratatat.

haha then he was like "you looked pretty funny sleeping in that chair last night"
me: "fuck you"

at first i thought that he was sleeping in the nude, but then it turns out that he was sleeping in his boxers, haha.

fuck man, he's hot. I just wanted to make out with him, and just cuddle with him. But fuck.. I don't know.. i can't make those kind of moves. I wish he was more asertive.

i wish he would make the moves.


just so i know that he's feeling it too. but I don't want to fuck him.. not rigth nwo. even though losing my virginity isn't that big of a deal to me. I just don't want him to give me something. I want to make sure that he's clean.


But yeah, we just chilled in his bed, and he smoked some weed, and then we went to fantastico, and i drove him to work.

That night I called hi up again, andasked him to get an 8th for michelle. And so they met him, and it was so awkward, but watever

it's how it is.

I dropped off michelle and such, and drove back to jesse's. We watched tv, and just chilled for a bit. I had finished off my weed with michelle, and dexter that afternoon. I rolllled a big fatty.

from jesse's we went to his dealer, and he picked up.

"do you think your friend would care if I rolled a joint?"

me: "yeah probably"

him: "should I just take it anyways"

me: "haha sure"

dry, i know. but whatever people these days never tip their middle man, but you need to.

soo yeah i dropped him off at his friend's afterwards, and he's like "thanks for everything, you're a sweetheart"

and then watched me drive away.

I'm falling of this guy, and it's pretty hard.. but at the same time not really.

It's defintiely the cloest to a boyfriend that I've ever had. I've slept over at his house, for christ sakes. haha.

I've been spending so much time with him, he must know that i'm into him. Maybe I just produce this vibe that I'm not into guys, and would rather much be their friend instead. but that is most definitely not that case with the guys that I ususally hang out with.

and I wish that they would make the move. fuck.

fuck me and guyssss.

it's kind of pathetic, but eh.


i love guys, and i wish that they would feel the same way back?


i think maybe jesse thinks that i'm too gooood, like too innocent maybe.

but I told him that i stole, and he's like "who the fuck are you"

so like I am surprising him, like I know i'm not what he expected me to be. but yeah.. I don't know if it's enough though.

i don't know what to think about him, like i want him but I don't know if I want him want him.. i don't know.

yeaaah..

fuck maaaaaannnnn.