I'm starting to think again, which is fantastic.

I love thinking. Thinking is good for the soul. I love self realization, small ephiphonies, what ever you want to call it - I. Love. It.

It opens your mind, and it helps is mature. It helps you understand you. I miss my self-time. I miss getting lost in my thoughts. I miss writing.

I miss being somewhat creative, and smart. Lately, I just feel incredibly stupid. Like a flat-out idiot. I talk too much, and don't put much thought into what I say. At some point this summer my brain just shut off. And out comes reckless Jessica.

I just stopped caring. I got too caught up with enjoying life, that I was reasonable anymore. I want to be mature, and responsible AND enjoy life the way that I do.


I want to have a say, I don't want to be a pushover anymore. But out of habit, I just am one. I'm scared to speak my mind, because I'm scared of people ridiculing me. I want to stick up for myself, I want to stick up for other people. I don't want to be this snob that I have become.

I miss my old mentality. Somehow in the course of the last 6 months, I've derailed and it's definitely time for me to get back on track. I want to have more focus. I want more growth. I want maturity. I want to be real. I feel like such a kid these days, that it's unreal. I havn't felt like this in a lonnnnnnnnnng time.

I miss having good judgement. I miss taking a step back and thinking things through first. Now-a-days I just do what I want, whenever I want.

I need to start thinking about my finances, and need to worry about paying bills and what not, not about drugs, or materialistic wants.