why wont he let himself love me?

we drank on friday with melanie and cory.

melanie wanted pizza... so, they decided to order it from our apartment.

anyways, we jammed to some tunes, and justin puts on "I'll be" by edwin mcain.

we sang it to each other, and he said "wow.. this is momentous" haha

we looked into each others eyes and just sang it, like as if no one else was in the room.


i was sitting on the couch, and he kneeled down and reached out his hands, and we just looked into each other's eyes and sanng.

at the end of it, he asked for a kiss, and i kissed him.


then he stood up, bend back down and asked for another..

then he held my chin, and just kept kissing me. then would kneel back down, look me in my eyes, and leaned back over and kissed me again.


then moved back, and said sorry...

i loooked at him like "what?"

then he stood up, and put one leg on one side of my legs, and then other on the other side of my legs

then pulled my chin and kissed me, then he knelt back down, and said sorry..

i asked "sorry about what?" he gave me this look like i should know, i did.. but i just wanted him to say it.. it's cause he doesn't want to love right now. it's cause he just doesn't want to be tied down, he's not ready. He knows i mean serious, and i would be serious and nothing less.


he then spits out "i love you"

leans back over and kisses me, then kneels back down, we stare at each other, says sorry again..

then says,

.... "you're beautiful"

then leans back over and kisses me.

we stared for a bit, and he rubbed my hand.

then we just stopped at that.