i still think about him. i think about the possibilities of what if i stayed. I create endings to imagined destinies - never any good ones, of course. It comforts me, if I even think any good could have came from it then i just dwell. I live as if I'm the only one who knows grief. My soul is weak, and mentally i'm brittle. I've gotten what I wanted - hiatus. I wanted to turn my brain and stop thinking, and that i have done. Yeah, i feel like i've definitely digressed as a human being, and lack a lot of motivation and have done very little for the world for the past 3 years. I don't know sustenance, i have no self worth - i'm dead broke, man. I think i have become the world's most materialistic shallow self-indulging waste of space.

Monday, March 21, 2011

do we live by wht we preach? do we preach to live? or do we preach in hopes to change? so, the question is as follows.. since we are human, are we humane? we, as humans, have always been told to listen, and to listen to what we are told and to act accordingly.. but as we grow older, we find that there are so much to that then what we were told. We find indifferences, and politics. We find controversy, and thus feeling lost when we are given too much freedom. So what do we do? we find others to listen to, and we find our own paths. It is up to us to utilize what we were told into who we are; to better ourselves, and to become better. We see the impurities, but wht is to be considered impure? It's what are to be considered indifferent. We're quick to point out the flaws in others.. it's like our own pychologicl confrontation with the flaws we see in ourselves, or are maybe unable to see. What makes us particularly better than anyone else? Cause we have a roof over our heads? Cause we have paying jobs? everything seems to be about socil status, everything seems to be about everything. We all challenge each other, but when asked to be challenged, do we take it up? Some do, others find excuses to not, some build a wall and become defensive. We know the difference between right and wrong, but knowing is not doing. What makes us so righteous to judge others?

Taiwan Day 2 - breakfast= li or lo mein with chilli peanut sauce ($35/45nt) • Went to yangmingshan (almost an hr on bus fron jiantian mrt station) had a taro popsicle. ($25 nt) • went to.moca taipei contemporary art museum, walked throuhh underground mall • went to danshui, walked around street market, had peanut w/chocolate sauce shaved.ice ($70nt), sausage ($35nt). • took ferry ($100nt round trip) across the water to.watch sunset on bridge. • tried.to.go.to restaurant on zjonziang but closed ended.up at tgifridays. Cheesy cheese burger ($430nt) Day 3- jun 28 • checked out at 12, left luggage at lobby • taxi'd to ifc ($115nt was busy) • ate in food court 1st (chicken &pork w/veggie, soup&rice $160nt) •went up to 89th floor ($450nt adult price) • afterwent to neoghboring mall to eat a red w/custard like substance wrpped in pancake ($100nt/3) • back to hptwl to pick up luggage • take bus to chiufen